


déjà fait

by andtheny



Series: Five is a problem solver [8]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Alive Ben Hargreeves, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Ben Hargreeves-centric, Bittersweet Ending, Brotherly Affection, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Jealousy, Miscommunication, Number Five | The Boy-centric, POV Ben Hargreeves, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Ben Hargreeves, Protective Siblings, Resurrected Ben Hargreeves, Sad Ending, Sibling Bonding, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28440027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andtheny/pseuds/andtheny
Summary: “I love you."“I love you too,” Five mumbled.“I’m glad we’re together again."“I’m glad you’re alive.”Ben laughed. “I’m glad I’m alive too.” Then, “Dammit! I forgot to tell the other Five I loved him!”___________________Or, Ben Hargreeves is back from the dead. Everybody liked that.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Everyone, Ben Hargreeves & The Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Everyone
Series: Five is a problem solver [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977970
Comments: 253
Kudos: 230





	1. Five

_The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again._

_— Charles Dickens_

He thought it was one of those dreams, at first. The sound of Five’s spatial jump, the blue light, and there Five was standing over his bed.

Just like old times and looking exactly the same as the day he’d left. 

Ben smiled up at Five and made space in the bed, opening his arms for a hug. Instead of lying down, Five pulled on his hand and insistently tugged him out of bed whispering, “Wake up, Ben, you have to wake up now.” 

“Five?” Ben mumbled. “Is that really you?” 

“Yes,” Five whispered. “Keep your voice down, alright? I don’t want to wake anyone else.” 

Fully awake now, Ben hugged him. “Five! Where have you-”

“Shhh!” Five looked _scared_. “Please, Ben, you have to _whisper._ ” 

Ben pulled back to get a better look at him. Five was so short, now. He still looked thirteen. 

“You really did it,” Ben whispered. “You time traveled.” 

“Yes,” Five said. “I’m sorry.” 

The poor kid looked so nervous. Did he think Dad would punish him or something? 

“It’s okay, Five.” Ben kept his voice low for Five’s peace of mind. “Dad will forgive you. I bet he’ll even be impressed.” 

“I’m not worried about Dad,” Five said. “I’m worried about _you._ Well, and the timeline.” 

“The timeline?” 

Five sighed. “The future was a mess, Ben. You have no idea. And I tried to fix it, but I made things worse and then I had to fix _that_ and... but we don’t have time right now.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I hate to do this to you.” Five ran a hand through his hair and Ben realized his brother’s hand was _trembling._ “I tried to find a better way, I really did, but there were too many factors, too much chaos, and… and we don’t have _time_.” 

Ben sat back down on the bed and patted the spot beside him. “There’s _some_ time, isn’t there? Take a little breather.” 

With obvious reluctance, Five sat down. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Ben put an arm around Five’s shoulder. It was something Five had done for _him_ so many times when they were younger. “You don’t have to be sorry.” 

“I do,” Five said. “I _do._ ”

“No-”

“Ben, you _died._ ” Five sprang up out of Ben’s hold like a live wire and started pacing around the room. “ _Shit_ ,” he whispered fiercely, rubbing at his eyes. “I’ve never had any goddamned tact.” 

Ben gulped. “It’s… it’s okay.” 

Five pressed his hands against his eyeballs as if he could physically stop his own tears. It was one of those habits Ben had always found endearing, but right now it was just heartbreaking. 

Ben felt like he should be crying too, but the tears just weren’t coming. Was he in shock?

He watched Five wrestle with his emotions in silence for a minute and was startled when Five glared at him and said, at a normal volume, “So I’m here to save you.” 

Ben blinked. 

Five winced and glanced at the door, as if saying the words so loudly would bring calamity bearing down on them. 

But nothing like that happened and Five relaxed.

“I’m going to save you,” Five whispered. “But there’s a price.” 

“What kind of price?” 

“You have to come with me to the future,” Five said. “Almost fourteen years forward.” 

That was hard to wrap his head around. It was weird enough talking to a brother from four years in the past, but _fourteen_ years? The _future_? 

“Why fourteen?” 

“I wish I could explain it to you,” Five said. “You deserve a full explanation and time to think it through. Ben, you deserve a _choice._ I know you do, but…” 

“But there isn’t time?” Ben said. 

Five nodded. “There isn’t time.” 

Ben took a deep breath. “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“I trust you.” 

Five hugged him. “Thank you.” 

Once again Ben marveled at how _small_ Five was. It made him feel protective. 

_I’m never letting him out of my sight again_ , Ben thought.

“There’s just one thing,” Ben said. “What am I going to tell everyone? We have to come up with some excuse, don’t we?” 

Five shook his head. “We’re not telling them anything.”

“But I can’t just _disappear_ ,” Ben said. “I know what that’s like. It’ll drive them crazy with worry and-”

“They won’t remember,” Five said. “It won’t be like that.” 

“Why wouldn’t they remember?” Ben said. 

Five pulled away from the hug and looked at his watch, clearly stressed, but he took the time to answer. “Have you heard of the Mandella effect?”

“Um, no.” 

“Well, it’s sort of like… to a time traveler- well.” Five’s nose crinkled as he thought. “Put _simply_ , they’ll only remember their native timeline. They’ll remember your death, instead of your disappearance.” 

Ben winced. “Oh…” 

“I _wish_ they’d remember the new version of events,” Five said. “But since they won’t, we don’t have to worry about explaining anything to them. And it’s better if we don’t because we’re trying to minimize the damage.”

“The damage?”

“Of changing the timeline.” 

“Right, right.” Ben chuckled. “That’s hard to wrap my head around.” 

“You’ll have to wrap your head around it later,” Five said. “We’re out of time.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. “Let’s go.” 

Five turned away from him and fumbled in the dim lighting. “Where did I put it?”

“Put what?” 

“Nevermind, I found it.” Five lifted a business briefcase onto the bed and messed with what looked like one of those combination locks. “Come closer, Ben. Wait! Put your shoes on.” 

Ben rushed to get his shoes on, pulse racing. “Why the briefcase?” 

“It makes it easier,” Five said. “In a pinch I can jump through time without it, but I can’t easily control _when_ I’ll turn up. Anyway, are you ready?”

“I’m ready.”

Five opened the briefcase. There was a flash of blue light and then harsh sunlight directly overhead. Ben squinted around him. “Whoa.” 

“ _Now_ we have plenty of time.” Five laughed. “Well, relatively.” 

Blinking the white spots away from his vision, Ben realized they were standing outside the gate to the Umbrella Academy. The building looked basically the same. If it weren’t for the sunlight Ben would have thought Five had just warped them outside. 

“Let’s go for a walk, shall we?” Five said. “Before you meet the others I’d like to explain some things.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. “That… yeah. Sounds good.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“But you _look_ thirteen.” 

“I know.”

“You’re exactly the same.” 

“I know it seems that way.” 

They were walking around the perimeter of a nearby park. In the sunlight Ben could see that Five was wearing black dress shoes, dress pants, and a green button up shirt. The shirt was short sleeved and kind of pulled in at the waist and the overall effect was half slick businessman and half Christian Youth of America. 

Ben himself was still wearing the Umbrella Academy issued pajamas and he felt self conscious as they walked, but didn’t want to go home yet. 

He hadn’t seen Five in _four years_. And for Five it had apparently been a lot longer than that. 

“There’s another hiccup,” Five said. “There are two of me.” 

“What? Like you got cloned?” 

“No,” Five said. “He’s the actual thirteen year old. The one who ran away in 2002.” 

“What does that mean for you?”

Five shrugged. “It means I can’t live in New York anymore.” 

“ _What_? Why not?” 

“It’s called Paradox Psychosis.” Five held his hands up against each other. “When two copies of the same person exist in the same year they repel each other. I think it’s Time’s way of trying to fix itself.” 

He entwined his fingers together. “If the doppelgangers insist on interacting despite the symptoms, well…” Five mimed an explosion. “They’ll self-destruct.” 

“ _Literally_ self destruct?!” 

“No, they’ll kill each other,” Five said. “Homicidal rage is the last stage of Paradox Psychosis. _At least_ one of the doppelgangers must die for the other to exist without disturbing Time. It’s instinct.” 

“But if you can’t stay in New York where will you go?” 

“Allison lives in California now, remember?" Five said. “I’ll stay with her for the time being.” 

“Can I go with you?” 

Five shook his head. “Everyone has missed you. And Allison will visit whenever she can-”

“But I _just_ got you back.”

“You’ll still have me, technically.” Five gave him a wry smile. “He’ll be the Five you missed. In a lot of ways, the real one.” 

Ben stopped walking and Five paused, considering him.

“What is it?” Five said.

“I kind of don’t believe you,” Ben said. “You _can’t_ be fifty eight.” 

“But I am.”

Ben put a hand on Five’s head. “But you’re exactly the same as I remember you.” He sounded desperate to his own ears, but Ben didn’t care. “Please, you can’t just… you can’t just _leave._ ” 

Five took Ben’s hand in his own. “You can visit me in California as often as Allison visits you here. Does that sound alright?” 

“I guess so,” Ben mumbled. “But-”

“No buts,” Five said. “It’s time for you to go home.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Watching Five disappear again was like watching a dog get run over. Ben had to stop himself from running forward to stop him.

Five casually waved goodbye before opening the briefcase. Acting as if he was just walking off to the store instead of teleporting halfway across the country. 

He’d said there was a second Five in the house with a thirty year old Klaus, but as soon as Five was gone Ben started to panic. What if Five was _lying_? What if he’d only said that so he could leave again without Ben putting a stop to it?

Ben stormed through the gates of the Umbrella Academy and tried to pry the door open, but it was locked. He banged on it. “Hey! Let me in!” 

When nothing happened, Ben kicked it. “HEY!” 

Finally, the door opened. 

“Ben,” Mom said. “It’s so good to see you.” 

She looked exactly the same and again Ben doubted he was really in the future. But of course she looked the same. Mom didn’t age. 

“Uh, hey, Mom. Sorry about the...” Ben gestured at the door. 

“That’s quite alright,” Mom said. “You’re in a hurry to see your brothers, aren’t you?” 

She led him into the house. “I think Klaus is still asleep,” Mom said. “But Five is up. You’ll find him in his room.” 

“Klaus is asleep? What time is it?” 

“It’s just past four o’clock,” Mom said. “That boy keeps odd hours, I know.” 

“Boy?” Ben said. “Five said he was thirty now.” 

“Closer to thirty three, I think.” Mom laughed lightly. “But all of my children will always be children to me.” 

She cupped Ben’s cheeks, smiling brightly. “And you’re seventeen, is that right?” 

“Yeah.” Ben fidgeted in her grasp. “Is it weird?” 

“Not at all,” Mom said. “We’ve all missed you.”

She let go of his cheeks, but put her hands on his shoulders, rubbing her thumb against him in a familiar soothing gesture.

“This must seem so confusing,” Mom said. “Do you have any questions?” 

“I think Five answered most of them,” Ben said. “Like, he said Luther and Klaus are the only ones living at the Academy right now. Besides the, uh, younger Five.”

Ben paused, half expecting Mom to deny young Five’s existence. But she’d said Five was in his room, hadn’t she?

“That’s right,” Mom said. “But Luther is in California right now.”

“Right, with Allison,” Ben said. “And they’re both coming back later?”

“Yes,” Mom said. “Diego was also staying here for a few days. He’s not here right now, but he’ll be back soon. And Vanya will visit too, of course.” 

“And Pogo and Dad are dead,” Ben finished. “Five said he couldn’t save them the way he saved me.” 

“I’m afraid not, dear.” 

Ben nodded to himself, taking a deep breath. “I’m going to go see Five.” 

“Alright,” Mom said. “And you’ll let me know if you need anything?”

“Yeah,” Ben said. “Um, I’m a little hungry actually.”

Mom grinned. “I’ll get started on lunch.” 

“Thanks Mom,” Ben said.

“I love you, dear,” Mom said. “I think you already know that, but we’ve been making a habit of saying so more often around here.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Thanks. I mean, I love you too.” 

Mom smiled. “Go on now. I'm sure Five is just as eager to see you.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ben stood outside Five’s old bedroom door and hesitated. This whole thing was so _weird._ Two versions of Five?! And one of them was an old man in a child’s body? It was like the time he’d tried mushrooms with Klaus and thought he could visualize his body in ten different places at once.

It had felt real, but it was just a weird trip.

 _Maybe I’m still dreaming_ , Ben thought. _I’ll wake up soon and laugh at myself. Five will still be gone…_

Ben shook his head. There was no point thinking like that.

He knocked. 

“Go away!” Five shouted. “Leave me alone!” 

Ben blinked. That was not the reaction he’d been expecting. 

“Um, I’m sorry,” Ben said. “I just wanted to say hi?” 

A flash of blue light and Five was in front of him. _“Ben?!”_

He looked exactly like the Five Ben had just seen outside, except he was still wearing the Umbrella Academy uniform. 

“Hi,” Ben said. “Do you still want me to go away?” 

Five gaped at him. “I thought you were Klaus. Usually, as soon as he wakes up… but how are you _here_?” 

“The other Five brought me here from 2006,” Ben said. “This is 2019 right?” 

Five threw his hands up. “No one told me he was going to do that today!” 

Ben laughed. “I’m sorry?” 

Five stared at him. He looked oddly frustrated. “Did you… are you… you’re here to stay?” 

“I thought so,” Ben said. “What about you?” 

Five blinked. “What about me?” 

“Are _you_ here to stay?” Ben said. “Cause I really, really missed you.” 

The other Five had wasted no time reaching out for a hug, but this version stood stiffly, eying Ben as if he half expected the Horror to jump out and bite him. Ben wondered if he'd done something wrong. 

Wait, or did he hug the other Five first? Did Five need him to make the first move?

“I missed you too,” Five said. “When I found out you were dead…” 

Five huffed and covered his eyes with his hands. He wasn’t crying, but it seemed like he was worried that maybe he was about to. 

“I’m sorry I scared you,” Ben said. “I’m sorry that happened.” 

Five had always been reserved about affection, Ben realized. And afraid to show his emotions. Though that applied to the whole family, didn’t it? Because Dad discouraged “emotional displays.”

So Five stood there with his hands over his eyes and tried to compose himself. 

_“Emotion begets weakness!_ ” Dad would say. 

_Fuck that_ , Ben thought. 

He pulled Five into a hug. “I love you,” Ben said.

“I love you too,” Five mumbled. 

“I’m glad we’re together again,” Ben said. 

“I’m glad you’re alive.” 

Ben laughed. “I’m glad I’m alive too.” Then, “Dammit! I forgot to tell the other Five I loved him!” 

Five snorted. “He knows that.”

“But I should’ve said so,” Ben said. “Mom says everyone is trying to say it more often.” 

“Words don’t matter,” Five said. “ _Actions_ matter.” 

Ben ruffled his hair. “I think both matter, dude.” 

Five harrumphed. “Whatever.” 

That was such a pre-teen response! Ben grinned. “I can’t believe I’m a big brother now.”

“Shut up,” Five said. “Just wait until Klaus wakes up. You’re also a little brother.” 

“Oh my gosh,” Ben said. “I’m the middle child? Is that it?” 

“Yup,” Five said. “But we’ve still got a group birthday. It’s next week.” 

“ _Wow_ ,” Ben said. “That’s going to be quite a party. Dad’s not around to yell at us about propriety anymore, so I can just imagine how wild the guys are gonna get.” 

“Vanya is wild too, these days. Did you hear she’s got powers?”

“I _did_ hear about that,” Ben said. “Something about sound waves?” 

“There’s more to it than that. From what I’ve seen…” 

In typical Five fashion, his brother launched into a lecture. Ben tried to open the door to his bedroom so they could sit down while he talked, but the door was locked. So Five paused, warped to the other side of the door, and opened it. Then he continued talking as if nothing had happened. 

“She also said she accidentally gave someone her powers once,” Five said. “And I tried to talk her into giving them to _me_ , but she refused!” 

“The nerve,” Ben teased. 

“I’ll wear her down,” Five said. “Just watch, and then I’ll…” 

Ben had trouble staying focused on Five’s ranting. His bedroom walls were covered in equations from floor to ceiling and the whole thing took Ben’s breath away. It looked like _years_ of work.

But he sat down and waited for Five to pause for breath before he asked, “What’s all this for?” 

“It was for you,” Five said. “Not my work though. The other Five did it.” 

“For me?” 

“Yeah,” Five said. “You know. The timeline is really delicate, apparently.” 

The other Five had said as much and he’d described the moon exploding, the world ending, and everyone dying a tragic death. Ben shivered. 

“You did a good job,” Ben said.

Five huffed. “It wasn’t _me_. The other Five beat me to it!” 

“But you’re going to grow up to become him, right? So in a way, it _was_ you.” 

Five rolled his eyes. “It still wasn’t me.” 

Ben held his hands out. “Well, I didn’t contribute anything either.” 

“So?”

“So I feel bad,” Ben said. “That he had to go through all that alone and I couldn’t help him.” 

“That’s stupid,” Five said. “The whole mess was out of your hands.” 

“I guess so,” Ben agreed. “I still feel bad though.” 

“Do you… do you think you’ll have nightmares?” 

Ben frowned. It seemed like such a random question. But then he remembered: after their first mission Ben had confessed to Five that he was having nightmares.

 _“No choice, then_ ,” Five had said. _“I’ll have to fight them off.”_

 _“You can’t fight dreams,”_ Ben had said.

 _“Can too,_ ” Five said. _“Just watch me.”_

And Five had teleported into his room that night. Without a word, he’d crawled into Ben’s bed and put an arm protectively around him. As if to say, _they’ll have to get through me first._

Ben smiled at the memory. 

“I’m definitely going to have nightmares,” Ben said. “Lots of nightmares.” 

Five nodded tersly. “Understood.” 

It was such a simple word, but it warmed Ben’s heart. To think he could have this back so easily. It didn’t feel real.

“Thanks,” Ben said. “Five, I _really_ love you.”

Five rolled his eyes. “You already said that.”

“I’ll say it as many times as I want,” Ben teased.

“Well, I guess I can’t stop you,” Five said. “So whatever. I love you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm going to finish presque vu and then come back to this fic xD Each sibling is getting their own chapter because that's how I roll. 
> 
> Welcome to "déjà fait" OR, as I like to call it, "Ben is a people pleaser."


	2. Vanya

_Of course I'll hurt you. Of course you'll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence._

_― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry_

Being the “dead” brother got old real quick. Ben did his best to smile for his siblings, to hug and reassure them, but after a while the series of emotional reunions started to wear him down. He was relieved when all the introductions had been dealt with, but even then Ben could feel the weight of eyes on him. The second glances he would attract. The extra hugs and head pats. 

“You know what makes it harder?” Ben whispered. 

Five leaned in to hear him. 

“They look like strangers,” Ben confessed. “I can see some similarities, but…” 

Five nodded. “That’ll wear off.”

“It will?” 

“The more you talk to them the more obvious it’ll be,” Five said. “They haven’t changed _at all._ ” 

Ben laughed. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” 

“Isn’t it?” Five smirked. “These morons like to think they’re all grown up, but they aren’t. They’re as stupid as they’ve always been and as they’ll always be.” 

Ben stifled another laugh, covering his grin with his hands.

Vanya approached them with a smile. “Hey, I heard that.”

“I meant everyone but you of course,” Five said. “You’re the exception.” 

“Suuure,” Vanya said, hands on her hips. “Well, you know what _this_ grown up loves to do?” 

“File your taxes?” Ben said.

“Harass your local congressman?” Five said. 

“Nope and nope,” Vanya said. “I’d rather harass some cats.” 

Ben looked at Five for an explanation, but he seemed just as confused. 

“What, like, stray cats?” Ben said. 

Vanya shook her head, smile widening. “The cats at Cat Castle.” 

“Are you messing with us?” Five said. “Is that what this is?” 

“No!” Vanya said, chuckling. “I’m talking about the local animal shelter.” 

Ben gasped. “You’re adopting a cat?!” 

“Um, well no,” Vanya said. “But you don’t have to adopt one to… to visit.” 

_Oh,_ Ben thought, _guess I got too excited._ He’d always wanted a pet, but even getting to _touch_ an animal would be a thrill. 

“I would _love_ to visit some cats,” Ben said. “Let’s go! Where’s the shelter? Will we need a car?” 

Five rolled his eyes and reached up to pat Ben on the head. “Down boy. I don’t think she meant right now.” 

“Sorry Ben,” Vanya said. “I’ve got students scheduled for lessons today, I was just stopping by.” 

“Right,” Ben said. “Grown ups have jobs, I forget.” 

“Because she’s the only one that _has_ one,” Five said. 

“But I was thinking we could go this weekend,” Vanya said. “Maybe on… on Sunday? Will you guys be free?” 

“ _Yes,_ we’ll be free,” Ben said.

“I don’t know,” Five said. “I might not be free.” 

“ _I_ _’ll_ be free,” Ben said. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The cats came in all sorts of colors, patterns, and sizes. Some of them were friendly, rubbing themselves against Ben’s legs or walking onto his lap, and some of them had their own thing going on. While petting the cats that were near him Ben would watch the ones that were far. Watch them lounge on the padded shelves of their cat tower, or stroll around, or fight amongst themselves. 

When a particularly hyper kitten scaled Five like a tree he tried to teleport away from it, but it hitched a ride through his portal. “Get _off,_ ” Five growled, trying to grab it. But the kitten was on his back, out of his reach. 

Five made as if to slam his back against a wall, but hesitated.

“Wait, wait! Don’t!” Ben gently nudged a cat off his lap and scrambled up, wanting to rescue the kitten, but Five teleported again before Ben could get close enough to them. 

“It’s sunk its claws into my back!” 

Vanya remained where she had been sitting, wincing sympathetically. Ben gave her a look, but she just shook her head. 

“Take a deep breath,” Vanya said. “And hold still, okay?” 

Ben tried to approach Five and the kitten again, but Vanya stopped him. “ _Both_ of you hold still.” 

“But-”

“When you charge at them you’re just scaring the kitten,” Vanya said. “Which makes it want to hold onto Five more tightly.” 

Five winced. “I think I’m bleeding.” 

“Deep breaths,” Vanya said. “Keep holding still, Five. The kitten will let go when he calms down.” 

Ben took deep breaths too, and watched Five struggle to relax. 

“Good job,” Vanya said. “How does it feel now?”

The kitten was moving, slowly crawling up onto Five’s shoulder. 

“It’s still scratching me,” Five said. “But not as deep, I guess.” 

“Okay, I’m going to try and pick the kitten up with my powers,” Vanya said. “Please stay still.” 

“You can just _do_ that?” Ben said. 

Vanya didn’t answer, but Ben watched all the color drain from her face. Her eyes were _glowing._ No, her whole body was glowing an eerie pale whitish blue. 

The air seemed to shimmer around Five, ruffling his clothes and his hair, and slowly the kitten hovered over him. There was also this soft ringing sound and when the poor little kitten meowed plaintively Ben could hear its cries echo around the room. 

It was slow, but finally the kitten was placed on the ground. 

Ben gulped and watched the color return to Vanya’s face. The kitten left a pee stain underneath it and then ran off to hide under a cat bed.

 _It’s one thing to be told Vanya has powers,_ Ben thought. _But something else entirely to see them for myself._

“This whole time,” Five said, awe and frustration mingling in his tone. “This _whole_ time, you had telekinesis too?!"

Vanya glanced between the two of them, smiling sadly. Ben wondered what kind of face he’d been making and wanted to pinch himself. _She’s still Vanya!_

“Sorry,” Vanya said.

"I'm not mad," Five said. "But I'm going to need a comprehensive list of all of your abilities."

“That was cool though,” Ben said, tentatively. “It was… it was cool.”

It wasn't even the power itself that had thrown him off, but the way she _looked_ while she used it. That eerie full body glow.

Vanya shrugged. “We should probably call it a day,” she said. “Five, you okay? How’s your back?” 

“Eh, Mom can take a look when we get home.” Five had no interest in his own injury. "But seriously, what other applications are there for-"

“We can talk about that later, okay?" Vanya had a way of gently interrupting Five. It struck Ben as both uniquely _Vanya_ while also being completely out of character from the Vanya in his memory: a girl who could barely make herself heard.

Five frowned. "Fine."

As they made their way out of the shelter, Ben shuffled closer to Vanya. 

“Maybe we should come without Five next time?” Ben murmured. "He doesn't deserve cats."

She chuckled. “Agreed.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He’d forgotten the way Five liked to barrel into a room unexpectedly. The zap of light and sound startled Ben out of his book, and he almost dropped it. 

“I can teleport people with me now,” Five announced. 

“Oh yeah?” Ben said, absently. He’d saved the book from falling, but had accidentally closed it. 

What page had he been on? 

“I’ll show you,” Five said. “Where do you want to go?” 

Ben looked up. “Uh, you don’t have to show me. I believe you.”

Five scowled. “No one wants to let me practice.” 

Ah. 

Ben gave up on the book. He’d have to find his place later. 

“Alright,” Ben said. “You can take me to the kitchen?” 

“I can jump longer distances now,” Five said. “I can jump all the way to Vanya’s apartment.” 

Ben smiled. “Do you miss Vanya?” 

_“No_ ,” Five said. “I’m just saying, that’s the farthest I’ve gotten so far. But I’ve only done it alone before.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. “You can take me to her place, but maybe outside the building? And we can knock on her door, to be polite.” 

“Fine,” Five said, holding out his hand. “Let’s go.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“You guys have perfect timing,” Vanya said. “My last student just left.” 

“I _know_ ,” Five said. “I memorized your schedule.” 

He pointed at her fridge and Ben saw that she had a calendar with all of her appointments pinned up with a magnet. 

“Right,” Vanya said. “Jeez, maybe I should try to hide that thing.” 

“It’s probably better if you let him keep tabs,” Ben said. “Or he’ll show up when you’re busy.” 

“Exactly,” Five said. “You wouldn’t want that, would you?” 

“Okay, okay.” Vanya lifted her hands in mock surrender. “You can keep tabs, you nosy… nosy person.”

“Just call him a nosy bastard,” Ben said. “The rest of us do.” 

“That’s rich coming from _you_ ,” Five said. “Klaus says-”

“ _Anyway,_ ” Vanya said. “What did you guys want to do? We could put on a movie?”

“Actually,” Five said. “I wanted to talk to you guys about something.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was downright nostalgic, sitting with Vanya on her couch while Five stood in front of them, ranting about his powers. Trade the couch for Vanya’s bed and that was how the three of them had spent most of their time together as kids. Or else with Vanya standing, playing her violin, and Five sitting or even napping through it. 

“It’s like a rocket ship,” Five said. “They’ve gotta go full throttle in order to get away from the planet. If they don't, gravity will catch the rocket before it can make it past the atmosphere.” 

“So the first time you jumped you went full throttle?” Vanya said. “That’s why you skipped over so many years?” 

Five beamed at her. “Yes! Because it’s actually harder to navigate shorter stretches of time. The smaller I try to go, the harder it is. Because of… well, it’s not gravity, but it’s like gravity.” 

“Wait a minute,” Ben said. “I thought… the other Five uses a briefcase to-"

 _"Whoa,"_ Vanya said. "That's, uh. That briefcase is something else. Um."

Five slammed his first down on her coffee table. "Stop it." 

Ben blinked, glancing between them. 

"I'm sorry," Vanya said. "It's just that some of these things are complicated."

"What happened to 'straightforward communication'?" Five growled. "What happened to _no more secrets?"_

"I'm sorry," Vanya repeated. She looked helpless, but also alarmingly pale. 

Ben put his arm around her. "Hold on," he said. "Can we back up? I'm confused." 

"Of course you're confused," Five said. "We're both just doomed to this confusion, I suppose." 

Vanya seemed to shrink in on herself, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

"I want to explain," Vanya said. "But the other Five is worried that you might…" 

Vanya took a deep breath. 

Ben gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze and shook his head at Five when he looked ready to say something more. 

"He thinks you'll want to go back," Vanya finally said. "To 2002." 

She opened one of her eyes to take a hesitant peek at their reactions. 

"Uh," Ben said, baffled by the idea. 

"Of course I want to go back," Five snapped. "I belong there." 

_"What?!"_ Ben said. "No you don't!" 

Vanya sighed. "So he was right." 

"I thought you were happy with us," Ben said. "I thought…but you said..." 

Vanya turned her body towards him and snaked her arm behind his back, so that they were in a weird sort of sitting hug on the couch. Ben squeezed her shoulders again, this time for himself and tried to calm down so he could properly articulate his argument. 

And Five just stood in front of them. Apart from them. Why did he always do that?

"It's not about happiness," Five said. "Anyway, if I go back I can fix-"

 _"No,"_ Vanya said. "You don't need to think like that!" 

"I read your memoir," Five hissed. "I know how they treated you!" 

"Wh-what?" Ben said. 

"They didn't mean to," Vanya said. "It wasn't-"

"Intentions don't matter," Five said. "And ignorance is no excuse." 

Ben could feel himself getting angry, but he squashed the urge to yell or demand answers. He knew it wouldn't help. 

Instead, Ben resolved to listen closely for clues. He would use those clues later, maybe with Klaus or Diego. A well phrased question could go a long way, even when the person answering is trying to lie. 

"I forgave them," Vanya said. "So you don't need to-" 

"But you still _felt it all_ ," Five insisted. "It shouldn't have happened in the first place." 

"Please," Vanya said. "Remember what Luther said about the moon? If you mess around in the past..."

 _The moon?_ Ben thought. _Didn't the moon cause the apocalypse? It exploded or something._

"I'll make sure nothing like that happens," Five said. "I'll-"

 _"Why do you always do this to me?!"_ Vanya screamed. 

The light bulbs overhead shattered, the glass sprinkling down like a light rain, and Vanya's voice reverberated through the room. 

The sound of it was literally painful, it cut through Ben, sharp as a knife. His ears _ached_ with it, a throbbing that synchronized with his heartbeat, and a lingering ringing sound prevented him from hearing anything else. 

Vanya turned his head, cupped his cheeks in her hands, and said something. Ben didn't know what, but the concern on her face was palpable. 

"I'm okay," Ben told her. He looked at Five. "You okay?" 

Five ran a hand over his face and appeared to sigh heavily. 

"You're okay, right?" Ben hated the way he could barely hear his own voice. He looked between the two of them. "Uh, I think my ears popped or something. Sorry, I can't hear that well, is that just me?" 

Vanya touched his ear and then showed him her hand. 

There was a drop of blood on her finger. 

"Shit," Ben said. "Am I _bleeding?"_

She held her index and thumb together, with an inch of space between. The universal sign for _a little._

"Shit," Ben repeated. 

In his peripheral, Ben noticed a flash of blue light. He turned and saw that Five had left. 

He jumped up. "Five!" 

"It's okay," Vanya said. "It's going to be okay." 

Her voice was faint and Ben wondered if she was whispering or if his ears were still bleeding. 

"What if he _leaves?!"_ Ben said. "Really leaves, like last time?" 

"He won't leave," Vanya said. "We just have to explain to him-" 

"I know there's two of them now," Ben said. "But I want to keep them _both_. Is that stupid? Is it selfish?" 

"It's not selfish," Vanya said. "Hey, why don't we call the older Five? We can explain what happened, get some advice. Or maybe when the younger Five calms down we can have another talk. The four of us." 

"Okay." Ben took a deep breath. "Yeah, okay. Let's do that." 

Vanya ran a hand through Ben's hair. "But will you let me take you to a doctor first? We should get your ears checked out." 

"I can hear you fine," Ben said. "It already came back." 

Though there was still a faint ringing sound in the background. 

"Please?" She looked so sad and worried. 

"Alright," Ben relented.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The Five on the screen was wearing a maroon polo shirt. He held himself with remarkable dignity, despite the large Power Puff Girls poster prominently displayed on the wall behind him. 

"You already have access to my proofs," he was saying. "You can run your own equations, of course, but I'm confident you'll arrive at the same conclusion." 

The younger Five scowled at him. "I _will_ run my own equations." 

"But even if the math doesn't check out," Ben said. "You get why we want you to stay, right?" 

Five stiffened, but kept his eyes on the laptop screen. "I have more questions," he told the other Five. "Unrelated to today's meeting." 

"We'll talk again," the Five in the maroon polo said. "In this same fashion." 

"Five?" Vanya reached out as if to touch him, but then withdrew her hand. "Did you hear what Ben said?" 

"He heard." The Five on the screen tutted disapprovingly. "Don't be rude to them. Your anger is childish." 

Abruptly slamming the laptop shut, Five turned to glare at them. _"Yes_ , I heard. Alright? I'm staying." 

"I'm sorry if he offended you," Vanya said. "I'm sure he didn't mean to do that." 

"I'm _not_ offended." Five spoke in that tone of voice that confirmed he _was_ , in fact, offended. 

Ben smiled. 

Five zeroed in on the smile. "Are you laughing at me?" 

Ben exaggeratedly gasped and held his hand over his heart in his best Klaus impersonation. "Me? I would _never."_

Five tried to maintain his scowl, but his lips twitched upward. "Jerk." 

"But you loooove him," Vanya said.

Maybe it was the contrast between her childish tone and her adult looking face, but this teasing is what finally managed to startle a laugh out of Five. 

Ben laughed too. "And I love him more!" 

"Nuh uh," Vanya said. "I love him more." 

"I love him _the most,"_ Ben insisted. 

"I love him the _mostest_ ," Vanya retorted. 

Five rolled his eyes. "I'm surrounded by _children."_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


What was the appeal of alcohol exactly? It tasted like crap and made people act stupid. 

Luther wasn't _drunk_ exactly (not like Klaus) but three glasses of wine was enough to spur him towards the idea that they should all _dance_. 

"We're gonna party like it's our birthdaaaah," Klaus laughed. "Hah! Cause it _is_." 

Luther was single handedly clearing out all the furniture in the living room. Or, well, he was pushing everything up against the wall anyway. 

"Uh," Ben said. "Why don't we just go to the _ballroom_?" 

Luther gasped and dropped a lamp. "I forgot about the ballroom." 

Ben facepalmed, his own point proven: alcohol = stupid. 

"That's okay," Vanya rushed to reassure him. "It's really dirty in that room since we basically abandoned it. Even Mom ignores it! And isn't there a bunch of junk in there now, Klaus? You started using it as, like, a storage room?" 

"That I did!" Klaus laughed. Because a drunk Klaus laughed at everything. "I totally did!" 

"Anyway what were you saying Luther?" Vanya said. "About the ballroom dancing?"

Ben cast his eyes around the room, wondering if it was too late to sneak away. Allison and Diego were whispering together by the bar. Would they get annoyed if he joined them? 

"I just thought, it was a waste," Luther said. "Dad made us learn, but I never even… I never danced anywhere." 

Where did Five go? He'd been leaning against the bar too, not that long ago.

"Where's Five?" Ben said. 

Klaus draped an arm over Ben's shoulder, leaning enough of his weight to nearly knock them over. "Ssshhh, he's _fine,"_ Klaus said. "You worry too much, Benny boy!" 

"Five took the laptop with him to the kitchen," Vanya said. "He said it was too loud in here. But I think he also wanted some privacy with, you know, Five Senior." 

Five Senior, Old Five, OG Five… whatever titles they tried to use to tell the two apart, Ben was still half-convinced that the "elder" Five was exactly as old as he looked. 

"You remember the dance steps, don't you Ben?" Luther was still fixated on ballroom dancing. "You want to dance with me?" 

Oh boy. Luther had always been the tallest, but in 2019 he was a _giant_. Ben couldn't imagine being able to comfortably coordinate with such a large partner, especially when said large partner was on the wrong side of tipsy. 

"Uh," Ben said. 

He also didn't want to hurt Luther's feelings. 

"I was hoping Ben would dance with me," Vanya said. "Is that okay Luther? And maybe you could ask Allison."

"Sure," Luther said. But he glanced over at Allison uncertainly. "I mean, she might not-" 

"Oh! Oh!" Klaus let go of Ben to hop up and down in drunken excitement. "And I'll dance with Diego!" 

Ben laughed. "Diego won't agree to that." 

Klaus winked. "I know how to make it happen." 

With that ominous promise, Klaus dragged Luther towards the bar to recruit their dance partners. 

Ben sighed with relief and smiled at Vanya. "Thanks." 

Vanya gave him a pat on the shoulder. "We don't really have to dance. Not if you don't want to." 

"No, it'll be fun," Ben said.

"I barely even remember the ballroom lessons," Vanya admitted. 

Ben grinned. "They're fresh in _my_ memory." 

"Ha ha," Vanya said. "I wonder why." 

"I can lead you," Ben added. "Dad says, I mean he used to say, that I'm terrible at leading cause I've got no backbone. But… well." 

Tentatively, he got into position and held his hand out to her. Vanya took the proffered hand and took hold of his shoulder. Ben put his other hand against her upper back, but then they both just kind of stood like that. 

_I've never started a dance without a beat_ , Ben thought, glancing around as if one might materialize if he looked hard enough.

"Do you think they're gonna put on some music?" Vanya said. "Or are we all going to just… just dance?" 

"I don't know," Ben said. "Should we ask?" 

Vanya laughed and let go of his shoulder. "Yeah, we can go ask." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The knocking woke Ben up. It was a soft sound and, at first, it mingled with his dream. 

There were _five_ Fives running around and they started lightly tap dancing in sync with the knocking. 

"Ben?" Vanya's voice broke the logic of the dream. "Are you still asleep?" 

Ben opened his eyes and glanced around. The light from the window was faint, but it was enough to tell him that it was morning. 

"Huh?" Ben mumbled. 

"Sorry, I know it's early." Vanya called from the door. "But can you come out? Allison has something important she needs to tell you." 

Ben sat up and looked around for Five, spotting his foot sticking out of the blanket where a head should have been. 

Five could be a restless sleeper and he tossed and turned enough to turn himself completely around, sometimes. Ben slowly lifted the blanket to see if Five was awake, but the little dude was still conked out.

"Ben?" Vanya raised her voice and Ben winced, scrambling out of the bed as quietly as possible. 

He opened the door a sliver, not wanting to risk her spotting Five. "I'll be right down," he murmured.

"Okay cool," Vanya said. "I'll go wake Five then." 

His eyes widened. "No!" 

If Vanya found Five's bed neatly made up and empty, she might freak out. But if Ben exposed Five's secret… 

No, he couldn't do that. 

"No?" Vanya echoed. 

"Five has been having a lot of trouble sleeping," Ben said. "So he'll be really grumpy if you wake him up." 

"Oh." Vanya scratched her cheek. "I guess we can fill him in later, then." 

"Thanks." Ben made a show of nonchalantly leaning against the doorframe. "What's this about, anyway?" 

Vanya fidgeted with her hands. "I think we should let Allison explain."

Ben frowned. "Okay… just let me get dressed." 

She nodded.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"So he's just... _gone? Gone_ gone? _"_ Ben didn't mean to raise his voice. It just came out that way, startlingly loud and angry. 

Allison covered her face with her hands. "He won't answer my calls anymore." 

"He picked up when I called though," Vanya added. "Said he was going north. He's okay, he just… well, he didn't really explain why, but he said he needed to stay away from the family. For our own good, he said." 

"Why wouldn't he explain _why?!"_

Allison lowered her hands and leaned forward. "You can call him, Ben. He'll listen to you." 

Vanya shook her head. "When Five makes up his mind about something that's it." 

"But you guys talked him out of time traveling just the other day," Allison said. "Right? Didn't you?" 

"That was the _other_ Five," Ben said. "And it was _Five_ that talked him out of it."

"Okay great," Allison said. "Maybe it can work the other way around too. Where's baby Five? We'll tell him and he can-"

"Hold on," Vanya said. "Before we start scheming I just… I just wanted to get everyone on the same page." 

Allison scoffed. "Scheming? Wow." 

"You know what I meant," Vanya said. 

"Sure." Allison stood and made a show of dusting off her pants. "You know what? I need to head back over there." 

Vanya stood too. "Allison…" 

"You can tell everyone else for me," Allison said. "That's your shtick anyway." 

"I'm going to go wake Five," Ben said. 

"Good," Allison said. "Tell him to call himself." 

"Please don't leave like this," Vanya said. "Don't leave angry." 

Ben didn't want to stick around for their fight. He hurried back to his bedroom. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Five was still asleep.

"You're a heavy sleeper," Ben said. "I forgot about that." 

He ran his fingers through Five's hair. 

"Vanya almost caught you in here," Ben said. "I feel like she'd be the best person to find out, of everyone, but I kept the secret safe anyway." 

Five was smiling in his sleep. 

Ben couldn't bring himself to wake him, in the end, so instead he laid back down with his feet to the headboard so he could match Five. 

"I'll tell you later," Ben murmured. "It's fine if I tell you later, right?" 

Five _still_ didn't wake up, so Ben put an arm around him and closed his eyes. 

_"It's going to be okay,"_ Vanya had said. 

Ben nodded to himself, desperate to agree with her. 

"It's going to be okay," he whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So from here on out every chapter is going to go back in time to BEFORE the birthday party. Then we'll see the party again from a different angle, then we'll see AFTER the party. 
> 
> Okay? Okay 😁
> 
> déjà fait is also re-posted in chronological order in the chronology fic (which was renamed "time stays, we go") it can be found in chapters 4, 5, and 6.
> 
> This is optional re-reading, of course xD


	3. Diego

_Friends and family lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty._

_― Stephen King_

  
  


Phones were weird. They were like little computers, but full of twenty different ways to do the same thing. 

"And you can ignore that app too," Diego said to Five. "Actually, I'll just delete it for you. You won't like that one." 

Diego had gotten phones for both of them and he insisted they "carry them at all times!" 

Ben had already dropped his and the screen had cracked, but he didn't have the heart to tell Diego. 

"What are you trying to hide?" Five said. "Don't delete things, it's suspicious." 

"It's just a photo thing," Diego said. "People post pictures of food and other boring shit. Stuff you won't care about." 

"I'll decide that for _myself,"_ Five said. "Just leave it alone."

Diego rolled his eyes. "Fine, but look at it later. I want you to make an account on Messenger first." 

Diego pointed at a blue speech bubble looking thing. It had a white zig zag on it. 

"We've got a group chat on there," Diego said. "I want to invite you guys." 

They both watched Five click on the app and scrutinize the login screen. 

With painstaking slowness, Five started typing his phone number in. 

"Wait a minute," Diego said. "Don't do that." 

"It's _asking_ for the phone number," Five snapped. 

"Because it thinks you already have a Facebook account," Diego said. "But you're going to type the whole thing out and nothing will happen cause you haven't _created_ one yet." 

"Facebook?" Ben said. "I thought you said this thing was called Messenger?"

"Yeah, but it's connected to Facebook," Diego said. "Just- fuuu- would you just let me do it _for_ you?"

"No," Five said. "If you do it for me I won't learn how to use this thing." 

"He's got a point," Ben said. 

Diego frowned at him. "And where's _your_ phone?" 

Ben winced. He shouldn't have drawn attention to himself. 

"You need to keep it _with_ you, Ben," Diego said. "You can ignore all the apps if you want. The important thing is that you know how to call me in an emergency." 

"I know," Ben said. "Don't worry." 

"Go get your phone," Diego said. "Did you leave it in your room?" 

It was in his pocket, but Ben didn't want him to see the cracked screen. 

"Uh," Ben said. 

With his eyes still on his own phone, Five smirked and said, "Just tell him." 

Diego straightened. "Tell me what?" 

Goddammit, Five. 

Diego glared at them both. "Tell me _what?"_

"It was an accident," Ben said. "I didn't mean to." 

Diego blinked. "Hey, I won't get mad. Did you lose it? I can just call you up and we'll listen for-"

"He didn't lose it," Five said. 

Reluctantly, Ben pulled his phone out and showed it to Diego. 

_"Oh,"_ Diego chuckled. "I should have gotten you a phone case." 

Ben stared at him. 

Five also lost interest in what he was doing and raised his eyebrows at Diego.

"What?" Diego said. 

"That's it?" Five said. "That's… out of character." 

"He said he wouldn't get mad," Ben said. "So… so he didn't get mad." 

It was a relief, but also a little unsettling. 

Maybe Diego could see it on their faces. He shifted uncomfortably. "These stupid phones are fragile. Everyone knows that. It was my fault for not getting phone cases." 

"I'm really sorry though," Ben said. "I should have been more careful." 

Diego shrugged. "It's no big deal. We'll get it fixed." 

Ben smiled at him and Diego beamed, reaching over to ruffle his hair. 

"You'd think they'd design these things with more structural integrity," Five said. "It's kind of pathetic. _This_ is the height of the future?" 

"They do it on purpose," Diego said. "Allison was telling me about it. It's called planned… uh, planned obsolete-ness, or something." 

_"What?"_

"I dunno man," Diego said. "It's capitalism." 

Five looked disturbed. "I'm going to have to look into that." He turned back to his phone. "You said there was a Google app?" 

Diego pointed Five towards the app and Five was off in his own world, reading articles with the intensity of a boy who'd just learned children were starving and animals were being murdered by pharmaceutical companies. 

"He needs to look into _everything."_ Ben scooted closer to Diego and whispered, "Like a time detective, he imagines all these scenarios for fixing society with time travel." 

"That's kind of adorable," Diego said. "Like, really egotistical, but also wholesome." 

"He says he needs to start planning now," Ben continued, still in a low voice. "So that he can save the world 'as efficiently as possible' when he's a grown up." 

Diego laughed. "He already saved the world." 

"That. Wasn't. _Me,"_ Five growled. "And he just saved the world from non-existence. I can do better than that." 

_"So_ wholesome," Ben cooed. 

"Shut up."

Diego popped his knuckles. "While he's busy with that, you want to go out for a jog with me? You're still in pretty good shape." 

Ben tilted his head. "Thanks?" 

"Not that there's anything wrong with, uh." Diego scratched his cheek. "With _not_ , you know, keeping up. But me and Luther, we like to stay in shape. I dunno, thought I'd ask." 

Diego had always been the most socially awkward in the family, but it was funny to see how that had translated into his adulthood. 

"Do you go jogging with Luther too?" 

Diego leaned back and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Sometimes…"

Ben grinned. "You're getting along with him a lot better these days, huh?" 

It was one of the first things he'd noticed. 

Diego shrugged. "We don't need to compete with each other anymore. Now we try to work together." 

_"_ That's _so_ wholesome," Ben teased. 

Five snickered. 

Diego scowled. "We still disagree on a lot of things." 

"I'm sure you do." 

Diego huffed. "So do you want to jog with me or not?" 

"Sure," Ben said. "Sounds like fun." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Diego was moving back home.

“Think of it this way,” Luther said. “Now you’ll have more time for the vigilante stuff.” 

Ben was helping them move Diego’s stuff out of the gym he’d been living at. It had baffled him when Diego first explained that he was living at a boxing gym, but seeing the basement room for himself was a different story. There was a bed, a little kitchenette, and normal furniture. Like a regular studio apartment, just under a gym. 

“Save the pep talk,” Diego said. “We’re rich. I get it.” 

Diego had also said something about working at the gym, which was how he’d gotten the deal on the basement room. But he’d gotten fired, so now he had to leave. 

“Did he say why?” Ben said. “Or was it random? Was it, like, budget cuts?” 

It was always budget cuts or robots, in the books Ben had read. And the protagonist who’d spent his whole life with a company was left out on the streets with no prospects. 

“It was my own damn fault,” Diego said. “I was neglecting my duties.” 

“There was a lot going on,” Luther said. “You know, with… with the Fives.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Right.” 

Ben re-focused on the shirts he was folding and the box he was trying to stuff them all into.

“If you roll them tightly you’ll save space,” Diego said. “Don’t worry about wrinkles.” 

Ben nodded, refolding a t-shirt the way Diego was doing. 

“Mom is happy about it,” Luther said. “She said she’s going to make a new painting just for your room. A really big one.” 

“I _know,”_ Diego said. “I know that. I was thinking about moving back anyway.” 

A lot of Diego’s stuff was already at the Academy. While they’d been looking for the older Five, Diego had started sleeping there.

“You don’t need to be disappointed in yourself,” Luther said. “You were a good employee. It was a family emergency, that’s all.” 

“I know that,” Diego mumbled. “Shut up.” 

_This is the strangest interaction I have ever witnessed_ , Ben thought. 

When Ben knew him, Diego had always reacted to every little failure with explosive anger. He’d throw himself into aggressive combat training, snap at everyone, and generally be an asshole until he’d redeemed himself. 

This Diego wasn’t doing any of that. He was just… just calmly packing. 

But Luther was trying so hard to cheer him up it made Ben want to study Diego more closely. What was Luther seeing that Ben was missing? 

“Were you a good boxer?” Ben said. 

Diego frowned. 

“He was a great boxer,” Luther said. “I only caught the one match, but he was good.” 

Diego rolled his eyes. “I was a janitor. And I lost that match.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Uh.” 

“You gave as good as you got,” Luther said. “That guy was a professional and he barely managed to beat you.” 

Diego smiled and it was the kind of smile Ben had never seen from him before. Sort of bittersweet, but also proud. 

“I was too stubborn to stay down,” Diego said. “I made him _destroy_ me.” 

“It was amazing,” Luther said. “You should have seen it, Ben.” 

“I’m sorry I missed it,” Ben said. 

While they packed Luther continued his steady stream of compliments and reassurances and Diego kept telling him to shut up, but it was always a half hearted rebuttal. 

Ben wondered if he should try complimenting Diego himself, but then he thought it might sound disingenuous. He hadn’t been around for any of the things they were talking about. 

“Listen,” Diego finally said. “I’m sorry I was such an ass about the whole thing. When Five went missing. And when… and when the younger Five jumped through time again.” 

_How often does Five go missing?!_ Ben thought. _And how many more times would something like that happen?_

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Luther said. “You were just worried.” 

“I took it out on you,” Diego said. “And that’s not cool. So I _do_ need to be sorry.” 

_Five is fine,_ Ben reminded himself. _Everything is fine now._

“Aw,” Ben said. “You guys should hug it out.” 

Diego sputtered. “N-no, that’s-”

Luther hugged him and Diego squirmed in the hold, scowling, but he patted Luther on the back with a gruffness that made Ben laugh. 

Luther grinned and pulled Ben into the hug, lifting them both clean off the ground. 

“Whoa!” Ben said.

“Fuck- hey!” Diego said. 

Luther put them back down, chuckling, and then cleared his throat. “So. Packing.” 

Diego nodded sternly. “Packing.” 

“I noticed your collection of, uh, of bottles,” Luther said. “They from the Academy?” 

Diego paled. “I didn’t drink anything!” 

“Huh?” Ben said. “What bottles?”

 _“Five_ brought them here,” Diego said. “He dumped them on me because of Klaus.” 

“I understand,” Luther said, gravely. “But what do we do with them now?” 

“Which Five?” Ben said. “What about Klaus?” 

“Old Five,” Diego said. “He didn’t want to let Klaus get shit faced all the time. The little hypocrite.”

“You really think Five has a drinking problem?” Luther said. “I never saw him drunk. Well, except for that one time, but I think that was because he was stressed out about the apocalypse.” 

Ben was struggling to keep up with the conversation, but this had become the norm. It felt like everyone was constantly speaking in clues and references and he had to match it to what he’d already been told.

Diego sighed. “I don’t know, he says he doesn’t.” 

“I’ll tell Allison to keep an eye on him when she goes back,” Luther said. “In the meantime, the bottles?”

“I guess we can leave them here?” Diego said. “I’ll give them to Al.”

Ben remembered that name, it was the gym owner!

“That’s a really generous gift,” Ben said. “Considering he just fired you.” 

Diego smirked. “Yeah, well, I’m not a sore loser.” 

_Not anymore_ , Ben thought. 

It was the most obvious change he’d spotted so far, but Ben knew there would be more. Five had been wrong in the end. Their siblings _had_ changed and they’d changed a lot. 

But it looked like they’d changed for the better. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ballroom dancing works best with classical music. Allison was able to pull it up on her phone and Klaus connected it to a speaker that looked like a panda’s head, with the sound coming out of its eyes. 

Ben was dancing with Vanya, Luther with Allison, and Klaus with Diego. 

He kept glancing over at Diego, perplexed by his cooperation. Diego was a nicer guy now, but how could he be _this_ nice? Klaus had always loved to push his buttons, especially when he was drunk or high.

Ben was starting to suspect that Klaus was both. _Crossfaded_ , the teenage Klaus had called it. 

Vanya noticed his incredulity. “Diego’s matured a bit, don’t you think?” 

“I guess so,” Ben said. “Everyone has.”

It was a good thing, but Ben felt like he’d been left behind. He was starting to understand why Five would want to go back to his own time. 

“But we’re still us,” Vanya said. “And you’re still you.” 

“I know.” Ben forced a smile. “Hey, can I dip you?” 

She laughed. _“No,_ you cannot.” 

“I won’t drop you, I swear!”

For him, that particular incident had happened a few months ago. For Vanya it had been years, but the face she made told him it was something she hadn’t forgotten. 

“I really won’t,” Ben said. “Give me the chance to redeem myself and I’ll-”

“Stop fucking _laughing,”_ Diego shouted. 

They turned to watch him push Klaus off of him. 

“I hate it when you’re like this!” Diego said. “You’re completely trashed.” 

Klaus kept laughing and Diego looked ready to punch him. Luther stepped in between them. 

“Let’s not fight,” Luther said.

“I’m done playing along,” Diego growled. “Why the fuck did we let him drink?” 

“It’s my birthday!” Klaus said. 

“It’s _my_ birthday too,” Diego said. “And you’re ruining it.” 

Diego stormed out of the room and Ben realized everyone was looking _his_ way. 

“Um,” Ben said. “I’ll go talk to him?” 

“No, no, no,” Allison said. “You don’t have to do that.”

 _“I’ll_ talk to him,” Luther said. 

“Oh c’mon!” Klaus drawled. “He’s not a baby.” 

Vanya sighed. 

“What do you mean?” Ben said. 

“I think they-” Vanya started.

 _“Hey.”_ Allison clapped her hands together. “This is still a party! Let’s just leave Diego alone, give him time to cool off.” 

“I think that would offend him,” Luther said. 

“He can come back if he wants to,” Allison said. 

Ben got the distinct feeling that he was _missing_ something. Or else, that they were purposely keeping something from him. But he couldn’t begin to guess what it was. 

_“I’m done playing along,”_ Diego had said. 

“I want to talk to him,” Ben said. “I’ll come back later.” 

“Luther can talk to him,” Allison said. “You don’t have to-”

“I _want_ to,” Ben said, firmly. 

“Great!” Klaus said. “I’ll dance with Vanya.” 

Ben glanced at her. “Is that okay with you?” 

Vanya nodded and opened her arms for Klaus. He picked her up and spun her around. “Hell yeah it’s okay with her! I’m the best dancer in the family.” 

She chuckled. “I can’t deny that.”

Allison took hold of Ben’s elbow. “I didn’t get to dance with you though,” she said. “You sure you don’t want to let Luther handle it?” 

Her persistence was suspicious. 

“I’m sure,” Ben said. “I won’t be gone for that long, okay? And I’ll try to get Diego to come back.” 

Allison gave up, releasing his elbow. “Alright.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Diego wasn’t in his room and he wasn’t in the kitchen with the Fives. Ben ran into Mom while looking and she said he would probably be in the training room. 

“Thanks,” Ben said. “Hey, how come you’re not at the party?” 

Ben felt a twinge of guilt. He hadn’t noticed her absence until it was staring him in the face. 

Mom shrugged. “Oh, I never know what to do at things like that. These days I prefer to keep busy.”

She showed him the sweater she was knitting. It was just the sleeves and the neck barely connected together in a disorganized zig zag pattern of green and red thread. 

“Have you heard of the ugly sweater competition?” Mom said. “It’s for Christmas and the point is to make a sweater that is as garish and cluttered as possible! I’m going to sew a bunch of stuffed animals onto it when the base is done. Maybe even cut them up so that, say, a reindeer’s butt is sticking out of the elbow and a snow man’s head is sticking up out of the shoulder.” 

Ben laughed. “I haven’t heard of that, but it sounds fun.” 

“It’ll be _so_ much fun,” Mom said. “Klaus already agreed to be my model. We’re going to have a whole photo shoot!” 

“I can be a model too,” Ben said. “I mean, if you want.” 

She beamed at him. “Thank you! I would adore that.” 

He nodded, not knowing what else to say. Mom had so much more personality than she used to, but she was still hard to talk to. 

“Uh, I’m going to go and find Diego,” Ben said. “Like I said.” 

She nodded back. “I hope you can comfort him a little. He’s been having such a difficult time.” 

“I’ll try,” Ben said. “But it’s kind of hard now.” 

Mom tapped him on the chin. “Chin up,” she said. 

It was one of her phrases. Five had pointed them out to him when they were younger. She had a whole rotation of platitudes. 

“Thanks,” Ben said.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Diego was beating the shit out of a punching bag. Ben watched him for a couple minutes and Diego didn’t notice. He was single mindedly focused on the punching bag. 

Then Ben had an idea. 

He went back into the kitchen to grab a cold water bottle from the fridge. 

“Still haven’t found him?” The younger Five said. 

He had the laptop propped up on the kitchen counter on top of three cereal boxes, so that he and the older Five were at the same eye level while they talked. 

“I found him,” Ben said. “He’s in the training room.” 

“I should’ve guessed,” the older Five said. “He going at the punching bag?” 

“Yup,” Ben said. “So I thought I’d get him some water. Maybe a granola bar, do either of you know if we have any?” 

The younger Five shrugged and the older said, “There should be some in the cabinet over the fridge. Luther puts them there so that Klaus can’t reach them.” 

Ben frowned. That meant _he_ couldn’t reach them either. 

“I’ll get them,” the younger said. He warped on top of the fridge, landing in a kneeling position, but he still bumped his head against the ceiling. 

“You okay?” Ben said. 

Five grunted and opened the cabinet door, nearly falling off the fridge in the process because he had to move out of the way as he opened it.

Ben hovered under him anxiously, ready to catch him. 

But Five quickly grabbed the box of granolas and teleported back to where he’d been standing before. 

“Were you always this fretful?” Five said, holding out the box.

Ben took it. “What do you mean?” 

“It’s because he’s older,” the Five on the laptop said. “Even four years changes a person.” 

The younger Five sighed. “I guess so.” 

“Sorry,” Ben said.

Ben tried to remember how he’d behaved at thirteen. How he’d treated Five, how they’d gotten along. He _thought_ he’d been acting the same, but it was true that he felt more protective of Five than he had back then. 

“But it’s not really because I’ve changed,” Ben said. “It’s because…” 

_Because I lost you,_ Ben thought. _And I don’t want to lose you again._

“You don’t have to explain,” the older Five said. 

“Sorry,” Ben repeated. 

“It’s okay,” the younger said. “Hurry up and deal with Diego.” 

Ben hugged the granola bar box to his chest and nearly dropped the water bottle. “Right.” 

“You’re going to take the _whole_ thing?” Young Five said. 

“Um, no,” Ben said. He awkwardly fumbled with the box, which hadn’t been opened yet, and could feel his face heating up as the two Fives watched. 

The older cleared his throat, regaining the younger’s attention. “As I was saying,” he said. “There was never a thirty year old version of us present in 2019.” 

Ben finally got the damn box open and pulled out a granola bar. Then he slipped out of the room, eager- for the first time- to get away from Five. 

When he got back to the training room, Diego was still pounding on the punching bag, but he’d slowed down. He was panting from the exertion.

“You thirsty?” Ben said. 

Diego jumped in surprise. “Jesus,” he said. “Don’t sneak up on me.” 

He turned away from the punching bag and Ben held out the water bottle and the granola bar.

Diego grinned. “You’re the best,” he said.

“Hydration is important and all that,” Ben said. 

Diego pocketed the granola bar, focusing on the water. He chugged from it and Ben fidgeted, feeling self-conscious. 

“I’m fine,” Diego said. “I’ll go back in a minute.” 

“Please don’t,” Ben said. “You need a shower.”

Diego laughed. “You’re not wrong.” 

_What the heck,_ Ben thought. _His mood did a total 180._

“Are you trying to be nicer in front of me?” Ben said. “Because of… because I died?” 

Diego blinked. “No.” He shifted on his feet. “I really do feel better now.” 

Then he pulled the granola bar out of his pocket and unwrapped it. “This helps,” he added. 

“What did you mean when you said you were done playing along?” Ben persisted. 

Diego took a big bite out of the granola bar and shrugged. 

“I feel like you guys are hiding something from me,” Ben said. “Maybe because I’m younger. You think I can’t handle it. Whatever it is.” 

“No man,” Diego said. “I just meant, like… everyone wants to give Klaus a pass for falling off the wagon. Cause they don’t want to spoil the mood. I think that’s stupid.” 

Ben squinted at him suspiciously. 

“That’s all I meant,” Diego said. “Seriously.”

“But everyone is acting weird around me,” Ben persisted. 

Diego took another big gulp from the water bottle and considered him. 

“Is it just in my head?” Ben said. 

“Probably not,” Diego said. “Sorry, I’ve been trying to act normal. But, you know…” 

“But you lost me,” Ben said. “So that changed things.” 

Diego avoided eye contact, “Yeah.” 

“Do you think it’ll wear off?” Ben said. “Like, eventually?” 

Diego shrugged.

“Sorry,” Ben said. “I’m just trying to…” 

To what? To adapt to the future, to accept this bizarre alternate reality, to figure out what to do with himself and his _life,_ which had been stolen from him and then given back. 

Putting an arm around Ben’s shoulder, Diego grunted and said, “I don’t get it, but I’ll try to help. Just tell me what you need or whatever.” 

Ben wrinkled his nose. “I need you to shower, dude.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Two days after the birthday party, Vanya and Allison woke him up to explain the older Five’s disappearance. 

No, disappearance was the wrong word. Five wasn’t missing, he was just gone. He’d _left,_ but he was still answering his phone. According to Vanya anyway. 

Ben accidentally fell asleep when he got back into bed with the younger Five. When he woke up again, it was tempting to write off the whole situation as just another nightmare. But it had been too coherent for a nightmare. Too vivid. 

To make things worse, the younger Five was no longer in the bed with him. Ben rushed over to Five’s room and knocked on his door. “Five! Are you in there?” 

“Getting dressed,” Five called from inside. “Give me a second.” 

Ben fidgeted in the hallway and wondered where he’d left his phone. He needed to call the older Five. To make sure he would really still be around somewhere to answer. 

But then Five opened the door. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Ben replied, automatically. “Uh, well, except the other Five is gone.” 

Five raised an eyebrow. “He’s not gone.” 

“I mean he isn’t at Allison’s apartment anymore,” Ben said. “He left yesterday.”

“I know,” Five said. “He told me he would.” 

_“What?_ Why didn’t you tell me?!” 

“I thought _he_ would,” Five said. 

“Goddammit,” Ben said. “Did he tell you why?” 

“Yes,” Five said. “He said the Commission would consider him a threat to the timeline.” 

_“What?_ Why?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Five said. “There are _two_ of us. It’s a paradox.” 

“But you guys are thousands of miles away from each other,” Ben said. “So I thought-”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Five said. “I’m not clear on all the details, but the gist of it is the Commission has technology that alerts them to anomalies like this.”

Ben could barely wrap his head around the Commission's _existence,_ let alone their technology. But he knew their whole thing was time travel.

“Wouldn’t they have come already?” Ben said. “If they were going to?” 

Five shrugged. “My doppelganger seems to think they operate in a very… particular way.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“He said they evaluate the course of events very carefully,” Five said. “And then pick when to step in. Because timing is everything.” 

Ben wanted to tear his hair out. This was so _frustrating._

“Sorry,” Five added. “I really thought he would tell you.” 

Ben took a deep breath. “It’s not your fault.” 

“So he didn’t tell anyone?” Five said. “He just left?” 

“He told Allison,” Ben said. “I mean, she said he waited until he was already on a bus. But he _did_ tell her. And then she told Vanya, and then Vanya called him… speaking of, I should call him too.” 

Five smirked. “Tell him I think he’s being childish.” 

Ben laughed, in spite of himself. “I will.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Did she Rumor you?! Is that it?" Diego was yelling. Probably at Luther. 

Ben could hear him from three rooms away. 

"Since when is she the boss?” Diego continued. “I’m not going to sit on my ass and wait for her to find him! I can help her track him. Hell, I’ve got more experience than she does!” 

Ben slowly approached Luther’s bedroom, straining to hear Luther’s side of the argument. 

“It’s not about experience.” Luther’s voice was more subdued. “I think Vanya made a good point about-”

“But it’s not like the last time,” Diego growled. “This has nothing to do with child services or shady organizations. It’s just _Five,_ skulking around on his own like some kind of-”

“He said he was worried about the Commission,” Luther said. “I think we should respect his decision. At least for now. Give him some time to-”

“Fuck that!” Diego said. “He should respect _my_ decision to whoop his scrawny ass.” 

Taking a deep breath, Ben knocked on the door. “Guys? Can I come in?” 

Luther opened the door, looking sheepish. “Were we too loud?” 

Diego scoffed. “What, did you want to keep him in the dark?”

“No,” Luther said. “I just meant-”

“It’s okay,” Ben said. “I just… I just wanted to join the conversation.” 

The phone call with the older Five had been frustrating. And the younger Five was with Vanya, trying to explain things better than the older had despite his own limited understanding. 

“Of course,” Luther said. “Um, we were just… strategizing.” 

Diego ran a hand over his face. “Strategizing. Right.” 

“I agree with Diego,” Ben said. “I want to go to California too.” 

Diego’s face fell. _“Fuck,”_ he said. 

“What?” Ben said. 

“It might be dangerous,” Luther said. “Five thinks-”

“You don’t like missions,” Diego cut in. “You’ve always hated them.” 

Ben glared at him. “This isn’t a _mission._ ” 

“Still,” Diego said. “You… you’ve only got one trick.” 

He meant the Horror.

“I got the same combat training as everyone else,” Ben said, defensively. “I wouldn’t need to use the Horror.” 

Ben wondered if he should have hidden his distaste for the Horror when they were growing up. But it was too late to do anything about that now. 

“Even if I did have to use it, I don’t mind,” Ben said. “But it’s not like-” 

“How much did Five tell you?” Luther said. “Did he explain his theory?” 

There it was again. That feeling that he was missing something. And Luther was trying to get his story straight. 

Ben crossed his arms together. “Five told me everything.” 

Diego put his hands on Ben’s shoulders and made intense eye contact. “Hey, listen. A good hero knows when to stand down.” 

Ben scoffed. “Are you trying to _bench_ me?” 

“No!” Diego said. “I mean, yeah, but-”

“You don’t think I’m good enough?” Ben said.

“You have to understand,” Luther said. “We _just_ got you back.” 

Ben had said the same thing to Five and he flinched with the realization. 

“I’m sorry,” Diego said. “Dammit, I just-”

“I get it,” Ben said. “Whatever.” 

Diego looked crestfallen. “Ben, I just… I want you to stay here. I don’t… I…” 

“I think we should all just calm down and stay put,” Luther said. “We need to think this through.” 

Diego huffed. “But Allison gets to hop on the first plane back to California?” 

“She lives there.” Luther pointed out. “She was going to head back anyway.” 

Diego groaned. 

“A good hero knows when to stand down,” Luther added, glibly. 

Diego actually _laughed_ at that. “Touché, asshole.” 

Impulsively, Ben leaned forward to turn Diego’s hold on his shoulders into a full on hug. 

“I hate this,” Ben mumbled. “I _hate_ this.” 

Diego squeezed him. “Me too.” 

“It’s going to be okay,” Luther said. “It’s not like last time. We don’t know where Five is, but we know he’s alright.”

Diego grunted. 

“Okay?” Luther said. “Are we in agreement?” 

“Fine,” Diego muttered. 

“Ben?” Luther ruffled his hair. “You agree too?” 

“No,” Ben said. “But you’re the boss, and all that.” 

Luther blinked. 

Diego pulled back from the hug. “Uh, no,” Diego said. “He’s not the boss anymore.” 

“He’s not?” 

“We’re equals,” Luther said. “We decide things together now.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Sure.” 

It was a nice thought, but Ben knew that wasn’t the case. Maybe Diego and Luther were equals, but Ben knew _he_ would always be the little brother. Younger, smaller, and tiptoed around as if he could kill over at any second. 

Speaking of death. 

“Hey, has anyone told Klaus yet?” Ben said. 

_“Oh shit,”_ Diego said. 

“Is he still asleep?” Luther said. 

“I think he is!” 

“Why does he sleep all day?” Ben said. 

“He’s nocturnal,” Luther said. “I don’t know.” 

“Should I tell him?” Diego said. 

At the same time, Ben and Luther said, “No!”

Diego raised an eyebrow. 

Luther chuckled nervously. “Uh, you’re just a bit…” 

“You’re not tactful,” Ben said.

“I get it,” Diego said. “One of you do it, then.” 

“I’ll tell him,” Luther said. “You guys just… uh, sit tight.” 

And Luther shuffled out, leaving them alone in _his_ bedroom. 

“Uh,” Ben said. 

Diego put an arm over his shoulder. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” 

“Can we go get donuts or something?” Ben said. “I need comfort food.” 

“You got it, bro,” Diego said. 

Ben smiled. It wasn’t all bad, being the younger brother. 

He just hoped Five really was alright, wherever he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to say this when I posted the last chapter: I'd like to hold a vote!
> 
> So at the end of presque vu Five asks Allison to erase his memories without specifying how MUCH of his memories. I want you guys to decide: 
> 
> Should they do a Full Memory Wipe so that he can differentiate himself from Baby Five?
> 
> OR
> 
> Should they do a Partial Memory Wipe, letting him keep all his memories from before he jumped into the apocalypse? This means he'll have a lot more in common with Baby Five.
> 
> You have until I post the sixth déjà fait chapter to pick your side in the comments and the result will be revealed in chapter seven :D


	4. Klaus

_Anything I felt--grief, depression, shock, anger--I simply starved it away or drank too much wine or slept. I simply would not know._

_― Jennifer Pastiloff_

  
  
  


Ben couldn't leave Five alone with Klaus for even a _second._

"Admit it!" Five had Klaus pinned to the table, both arms twisted behind his back. "You're lying!" 

Klaus was red in the face. From laughter or the pain. Or both. "You'll be… you'll be… exactly the same!" Klaus was giggling so much he could barely get the words out. "You won't last... even for a minute!" 

Ben sighed. They were making a mess. A cup of orange juice had been spilled and ignored, and Five had viciously shoved Klaus's face against his own pancakes. 

"You're just trying to trick me," Five growled. "I won't fall for it!" 

_"Guys._ You're ruining lunch." Ben wished Luther and Allison's plane would fly faster, or something. _Luther_ was good at breaking up fights. 

Unless the fight was between him and Diego, but still. 

"You hear that?" Five loosened his hold, his anger fading. "You ruined lunch." 

Klaus scoffed. "Lunch smunch." 

“You’re the one that wanted pancakes for lunch,” Ben said. “You made such a big deal about it and now you don’t even care?” 

“All things in life are _transitory,”_ Klaus said. “Even pancakes.” 

Five leaned _hard_ against Klaus's twisted arms and Klaus howled, "Uncle! Uncle, uncle!" 

"Guys…" 

Five glanced at him. "He deserves it, Ben." 

But Five let go and stepped back. 

"Positive punishment," Klaus wheezed. 

Five frowned. "Why do you keep saying that?" 

"Cause I'm a _bad_ dog." 

_"Dude."_ Ben had to physically grab Five to prevent him from _kicking_ Klaus. "You're not helping yourself." 

"Stop being creepy!" Five shouted. "You're so gross!"

Klaus just laughed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Klaus and Five had some kind of bet going and Five was _pissed_ about it, but Ben didn't care. 

He'd always wanted to ride on a roller coaster!

"If I win you have to come to my performance," Klaus said. "And you have to stay quiet no matter what I say about you on stage." 

The performance in question was some sort of comedy routine. Klaus was a comedian now, apparently, and Ben thought this was fitting. 

"And if _I_ win you have to stick your head in a toilet bowl," Five said. "Like the dog you are!" 

Klaus _beamed_ at him. "There ya go! That was almost creative." 

"You're so weird," Ben said. "Like, you've always been weird, Klaus. But now you're _weirder."_

Klaus winked. "It's a talent." 

Five scowled. "Why can't I just jump us to the front? This line is taking too long." 

"Patience, my child," Klaus said. "You know, the _old_ Five is wise enough to appreciate the little things in life. He'd say that just standing together in line for two hours is a beautiful way to bond with your brothers." 

Ben chuckled. "That's _such_ bullshit." 

"Stop calling me your child," Five muttered. "Or I'll… I'll…" 

"You can do it," Klaus cooed. "Find your inner homicidal maniac. Channel him." 

Five glared at him. "I'll cut your head off and flush it down the toilet." 

Ben winced. "Five..." 

"That's great!" Klaus cackled. "But my head won't fit down the toilet, try again buddy." 

"Fuck off," Five snapped. 

"We'll workshop it," Klaus said. "Don't you worry." 

_"Fuck. Off."_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The _Thunderbolt_ was kind of intimidating. It looked a lot taller up close. 

“Maybe we should have started a bit smaller,” Ben said.

Klaus put an arm around his shoulders. “Are ya scared Ben? You don’t have to get on.” 

Five glowered at them. “I’m not getting on without him.” 

“Hey now,” Klaus said. “That wasn’t part of the bet.” 

“What _is_ the bet about, exactly?” Ben said. “How are you deciding the winner?” 

The guy in charge of the roller coaster eyed them. “Are you lot getting on, or what?” 

“Sorry,” Ben said. “We are.” 

Five grabbed Ben’s arm. “I’m sitting next to _Ben,”_ he informed the employee. “And you have to put that lunatic _in front_ of us.” 

By ‘that lunatic’ he meant Klaus. 

“Whatever,” the guy said. “Just sit down.” 

They took their seats and the employee lowered a sort of seat belt down in front of them. Well, it was more like a bar. 

Klaus twisted around to grin at them. “All you have to do is stay put! Stay put and you win!” 

Five rolled his eyes. “Easy.” 

“That’s all you have to do?” Ben said. “Why wouldn’t you stay put?” 

“OG Five is _terrified_ of roller coasters,” Klaus explained. “He teleports straight to the ground as soon as it plummets.” 

“You said it happened _once,”_ Five said. 

“And it’s about to happen again!” Klaus said.

“You wish.” 

Ben studied Five carefully. He didn’t seem scared or nervous. Just angry. 

And Klaus was basking in that anger like a lizard in the sun. 

“You should turn around,” Ben told Klaus. “Facing backwards has to be, like, a safety hazard.” 

Klaus did so reluctantly and as soon as his back was turned Five sighed in relief. He didn’t relax, exactly, but his scowl- which had been near constant since they’d left the house- finally slipped away. 

_Klaus is practically tormenting him,_ Ben thought. 

“You can hold my hand if you want,” Five whispered. “I won’t tell Klaus.” 

Ben had to physically resist cooing a long and drawn out ‘aaaaaw’ because he knew Five would rescind the offer if he did. 

“Thanks,” Ben whispered. “I’m really nervous.” 

So Five held onto Ben’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly as the coaster slowly rose to the top of its first peak. 

The rush to the ground was _intense,_ but it didn’t feel like falling. It felt like being _crushed,_ like being pulled apart, and Ben wished he could look at his own face to make sure his skin was still where it was supposed to be. He also wished he’d held his breath before they fell because he was having a hard time breathing through the _pressure_ of it all. 

But Five was still holding his hand. That actually helped. 

Then they were rising again, but it wasn’t slow like before. They were speeding towards the sky and Ben realized people were screaming. They’d been screaming the whole time. 

_Should I scream too?_ Ben wondered. But he didn’t like the idea of opening his mouth. What if a bug flew in or something? 

In front of them Klaus waved both his arms in the air, he was shouting at the top of his lungs, but Ben couldn’t make out what he was saying. 

He turned to look at Five and saw that his brother’s eyes were closed, his jaw clenched. Ben tried to scoot closer to him, to reassure him maybe, but it wasn’t really possible to move. 

All they could do was hold on.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“So are we doing the swirly with a public toilet or one at home?” Klaus said. 

They were waiting for Diego to pick them up from the amusement park. 

“Forget it,” Five muttered. 

“But you won the bet,” Klaus said. “I have to honor my loss!” 

They were sitting on a bench near the parking lot. Ben had made it a point to sit in between them, hoping to field potential bouts of violence. But Five was subdued, staring at his knees. 

Ben wondered if he was feeling queasy. 

“It’s gonna take Diego at least twenty minutes to get through traffic,” Klaus continued. “Plenty of time to try and flush my head down the toilet.” 

“Dude,” Ben said. “Just drop it.” 

Five pursed his lips, swallowing thickly. 

“Five?” Ben said. “Do you think you’re going to throw up?” 

Five shook his head. 

“Aaaw,” Klaus said. “Was it too much for your little stomach?”

Five huffed, but he didn’t say anything. 

That was _not_ like him. 

“Lay off,” Ben said. “He’s sick.” 

“I was just asking-”

 _“Seriously,”_ Ben said. “Just shut up.” 

“I’m not sick,” Five mumbled.

But then Five gagged. 

“Whoa!” Klaus said. “Clear the decks!” 

Five shoved his hands over his mouth and closed his eyes. 

“You don’t have to hold it in,” Ben said. “Just, maybe aim for the grass?” 

Five took a deep breath through his nose, hands still firmly over his mouth. 

“It’s okay,” Klaus said. “You can aim for our shoes. That’s the funny thing to do.” 

“Klaus, _shut up,”_ Ben hissed. 

“I’m fine.” Five’s voice was muffled by his hands. 

“You don’t have to be fine,” Ben said. “It’s okay to just-”

“I’m _fine,”_ Five repeated. 

Firmly, he put his hands on his lap and opened his eyes. Five took a pointed deep breath through his mouth. 

“Always been a trooper,” Klaus said. 

“You’re such an asshole,” Ben said. 

“What?! That was a compliment!” 

“Shut up,” Five said. “Both of you.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was hard to catch Klaus alone these days. For one thing, he slept through most of the day. But even when he _was_ awake, there was always somebody around.

And it felt like everyone was constantly vying for Ben’s attention. 

Finally, though, Ben caught a moment to himself and found Klaus in his room: awake.

“We need to talk about Five,” Ben said. 

Klaus was painting his toenails black and he didn’t even look up. “That so?” 

“Why are you always so mean to him?” Ben said. “You weren’t like that with him before.” 

Klaus rolled his eyes. “Which ‘before’ are we talking about, buddy?” 

“I mean… I guess when we were younger,” Ben said. “Before Five disappeared.” 

“Aaah yes.” Klaus had this theatrically wistful voice, which he always used when Ben brought up, well, _anything._ Because all their shared memories felt so far in the past to Klaus. “In the olden days Diego was my favorite target, wasn’t he? So much _angst._ All that _rage.”_

Ben sighed, remembering all the times Luther had to pick Diego up to stop him from clawing Klaus’s face off. 

“I don’t understand why you like making people angry,” Ben said.

“It’s for their own good,” Klaus said. “Look at how well Diego turned out! I taught him a valuable lesson.” 

“What lesson?” 

“The lesson of patience and self control,” Klaus said. “The lesson of life! Ipso facto, you cannot simply stab life into submission.” 

“Nah dude,” Ben said. “You’re just a bully.” 

Klaus gasped. “I resent that!” 

“Well, I resent the way you’ve been treating Five,” Ben said. “I’m asking you to leave him alone.” 

Klaus put the nail polish down to twirl a strand of hair around his finger. “Is that a light hearted request?”

Ben squared his shoulders. “It’s a _demand.”_

“Oooh, a demand? How forceful.” 

“I’m serious.” 

“I know you are, Benny boy.” Klaus put his hands together, as if to pray, and bowed. “And, of course, I shall acquiesce!” 

“That’s enough sarcasm.” 

Klaus straightened. “What?! This is my most genuine of selves. After all, I can’t say no to _you,_ my favorite of all brothers!” 

Ben groaned. “You’re a douchebag.” 

“Aw, c’mon,” Klaus said. “Five is a big boy. He won’t break.” 

“You’re hurting him,” Ben insisted. “For real. Little by little, you’re wearing him down. I think he almost cried today.” 

“Emotional pain is good for the soul,” Klaus said. “Better than physical pain by far, which he doles out in heaps!” 

“You deserve it,” Ben said. “I kind of want to hit you too.” 

Klaus opened his arms. “And I shall turn the other cheek!” 

“I can’t deal with you anymore,” Ben said.

“Then don’t.” Klaus turned back to his nails. “The door is right there. _Dude.”_

Ben frowned. In a way, it was nice that Klaus hadn’t been tip toeing around him the way everyone else did. There was no special treatment from Klaus, no lingering looks or exuberant shows of affection. Or, no displays of affection beyond the kind that had always been normal from Klaus. 

But Klaus was also an asshole.

“Just stay away from Five,” Ben said. 

Eyes still on his nails, Klaus saluted him. 

Ben hesitated to leave. 

Klaus looked up. “Need anything else?” 

Ben shook his head. “I’ll leave you alone.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Long after the party was over, the two Fives continued their video call. Ben tried to peek in on them a couple of times, finding various excuses to visit the kitchen, but then Five teleported to his room for privacy. 

Ben felt a bit cheated. Five had wasted their entire birthday obsessing over time travel with _himself._

Finally, he knocked on Five’s door. “Are you guys still talking? It’s getting late.” 

Five opened the door. “No, I gave the laptop back to Luther.” 

He was in his pajamas, but his bed was covered in notebooks, the pages opened and filled with various equations. 

Ben sighed. “Don’t you want to do something _fun_ for your birthday? This is the first year where we… we could do whatever we wanted.” 

Five raised an eyebrow. “This _is_ fun,” he said. “Besides, birthdays are-”

“Arbitrary, I know.” Ben tried to stamp down his disappointment. “It’s over anyway, so whatever.” 

Five considered him. “Was there something you wanted me to do?” 

Ben shrugged. 

Five looked at his new watch. “We’ve got two hours till midnight. So, technically, it’s _not_ over.” 

Ben shifted uncomfortably. 

“Just tell me what you want,” Five said. “I’ll do it. We’ll call it a birthday gift.” 

“There wasn’t anything in particular that I wanted,” Ben said. “I just… you skipped out on most of the party.” 

Five crossed his arms over his chest. “I can’t do anything about that _now.”_

“I know,” Ben said. “Look, can we just go to bed already? I’m tired. I’ve been waiting for you to come to my room.” 

Five pursed his lips. “I’m too keyed up to sleep,” he said. “You don’t need to wait for me. I’ll just stay here tonight, so you can-”

“No!” 

Five blinked. 

"I just… I won't be able to sleep like that," Ben said. "Just… I don't mind waiting. I'm kind of hungry anyway, I'll just go downstairs for a snack." 

"Ben-"

"Do you want anything?" 

Five shook his head.

“Okay,” Ben said. “Take your time.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Klaus was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, casually taking a hit from a rainbow colored bong. 

"Seriously? You're just going to smoke out in the open now?" 

Klaus let out a smoke filled breath. "Benny!" 

He tried to say more, but broke into coughing instead. 

Ben frowned at him. "Dude." 

Klaus laughed. "There's my Ben," he said. "You haven't changed a _bit."_

"For real, _what_ is going on with you?" Ben said. "Diego says you were doing so well. You were sober, you were going to NA meetings… what happened?" 

"Oh, this and that," Klaus said. "I met up with Dave the other day. Did I ever tell ya about Dave?" 

"Uh, no," Ben said. "One of your ex-boyfriends?" 

"Yep," Klaus said. "Except he forgot my entire existence." 

Ben sat down on the bottom step next to Klaus. This was probably going to be a long rant. "That must have hurt your feelings," he said. 

"I'm not exaggerating. The guy _literally_ forgot my existence." Klaus groaned. "I wanted to be happy that he was alive, but goddammit! I wasn't happy, Ben. I was _not_ happy." 

"Uh, did he have an overdose scare?" Ben said. "Like that chick you met when you would sneak out to go clubbing?" 

Klaus slapped his knee. "Oh my god! I completely forgot about that sad bitch! _Damn,_ that was such a long ass time ago!" 

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know why I even try to talk to you when you're like this." 

"But it gets funnier," Klaus said. "Dave is, like, an old man! Eighty or ninety or something. Straight up, why is he still alive? Huh?" 

"Your ex is an old man?" Ben tried to imagine when the relationship itself could have taken place. "Was it a really long time ago, when you dated him?" 

The teenage Klaus had always gotten a thrill from flirting with older men. But the oldest had probably been thirty or so. A guy like that would be, what, fifty today? At the oldest.

"It was 1968," Klaus said. "Dave was in his _prime_ , fuck. He was so hot." 

Ben sighed. He thought Klaus was trying to be sincere for once. In his own way. 

"Everyone's really disappointed in you," Ben said. "Don't you care at all?" 

"And Dave got _married,"_ Klaus said. "Did you hear? It's legal now!" 

Ben blinked. "Oh, uh, I hadn't heard." 

"Lots of little changes like that," Klaus said. "Apparently they legalized it in 2015. Not _my_ 2015, but this one. You know?" 

Ben did not know. "You mean history is being changed?" 

It felt weird to realize that 2015 was already a tentative part of _history._ The year had always felt like a magical marker of the future: where Marty McFly would zip around on a hoverboard and holographic sharks would pretend to eat you. 

"Yup!" Klaus said. "Five calls it manda-something. And he says that's why Dave is alive. _He_ didn't do it." 

Ben realized Klaus was talking about the _older_ Five and with this realization came a chilling epiphany.

"Wait… you mean Dave was…" 

"Dead as a doornail." Klaus giggled. "Like you! But I get the youngest you, and the oldest Dave!" 

Klaus pinched Ben's cheek, grinning aggressively. "And you really are the cutest thing, Benny! Almost innocent. Ish." 

"Um, I'm sorry your ex died," Ben said. "And I'm sorry he forgot you when he came back." 

Klaus laughed. "No! You're not." 

Ben blinked. "Are you mad at me or something?"

Klaus rolled his eyes and took another hit from his bong. 

"I'm seriously asking," Ben said. 

Klaus took his time coughing and clearing his throat. Then he gave Ben one of his Klaus patented insincere smiles. 

"Who could get mad at _you?"_ Klaus said. "That would be downright criminal of me." 

_Definitely mad about something,_ Ben thought. _Time to play the guessing game._

"Is it because I got after you for bullying Five?"

"Psh, I'm used to that!" Klaus said. "Five is your favorite. Always has been, always will be." 

Ben tilted his head. "You sound _so_ bitter right now." 

Klaus gasped in mock surprise. "Bitter? _Moi?"_

"You're totally bitter!" Ben bopped him on the nose. "You know, I haven't seen you this passive aggressive since that time Dad caught Allison and Luther having a picnic in the attic." 

Klaus huffed. "Luther is _Allison's_ favorite. I'm fine with that too!" 

"You're a grown ass man," Ben said. "Stop obsessing over favorites. It's not healthy." 

Klaus stuck his tongue out. "Allison is _my_ favorite," he said. "She's waaaay cooler than you." 

Ben laughed. "I don't care." 

"Vanya is Five's favorite," Klaus continued. "And Diego's is Mom." 

"Suuure."

"And you and me are the only ones who aren't favored by our favorites!" Klaus announced this with a dramatic flourish, throwing his arms open. "That's our unique bond." 

Ben smirked. "But I _am_ Five's favorite." 

"Nuh uh," Klaus said. "It's Vanya." 

"Oh yeah? Well, Vanya doesn't get to…" 

Share a bed with Five. He'd almost let it slip out. 

Klaus leaned forward. "Vanya doesn't get to what?" 

Ben grinned and shook his head, miming a zipper being closed over his lips. 

"A secret!" Klaus gasped. "Hell yeah, detective Klaus is on the hunt!" 

"Oh my _god,"_ Ben groaned. "Don't start with that bullshit." 

Klaus cackled. "It's your favorite bullshit!" 

"Not when _I'm_ the subject!" 

"Schadenfreude, oh brother of mine." Klaus sniggered. "For truly great comedy, we must all take a turn as the victim." 

"I don't care about comedy," Ben said. "Find another victim." 

Klaus placed the back of his hand against his forehead, dramatically looking up as if imploring the gods for patience. "I suppose I'll have to sacrifice myself, once again." 

"Sacrifice yourself to what?" 

"To schadenfreude!" Klaus gestured vaguely at the ceiling, as if this deity were floating over their heads. "I shall put my misery into my art and the masses will laugh so hard their spleens will explode!" 

"I think you've had enough laughter for a lifetime," Ben said. "Don't you ever get tired?"

"Nein!" Klaus put his arm over Ben's shoulder and gave him a squeeze. "There's no rest for the talented!" 

"Riiiight," Ben said. "Well, _I'm_ going to rest." 

Klaus saluted him. "Sleep well!"

  
  
  
  
  


  
  


Having completely forgotten the snack he'd set out to get in the first place, Ben went back up to his room. 

Five was there, sitting in bed with a scowl. "About time," he said. 

"Sorry," Ben said. "I ended up hanging out with Klaus for a bit." 

"You're the one that was rushing me to get to bed," Five said. "You’re the one that can’t sleep by himself.” 

“Sorry,” Ben said. “Is it a pain? You don’t have to force yourself.” 

Five pinched the bridge of his nose. “Then which is it? You can’t sleep without me or you don’t need me?” 

“I… I don’t _need_ you,” Ben said. “I just… I like having you here. It’s nice.”

Five leaned forward. “There’s something you’re not telling me.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I feel like I’m missing something,” Five said. “You know I can’t read your mind, right?” 

“You’re not missing anything,” Ben said. 

Five squinted at him suspiciously. 

“You’re really not,” Ben said. “I’m sorry I got mad at you. I didn’t mean to.” 

Five snorted. “That was you being mad?” 

“Sort of.” Ben rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly. “I think I got a little jealous of the older Five? But also of you, because I never get to talk to the older Five for that long. It’s really stupid.” 

Five laughed. “He got jealous too!” 

“Really?” 

“He thinks I’m the Five you like best,” Five said. “Because you have memories of me, but none of him.” 

“He really said that?” 

“No, but I can read between the lines.” Five pulled the cover back from the bed. “Anyway, are you going to lay down or what?” 

Ben smiled. “Yeah, I’m beat.”

“Then turn the lights off already.” 

Ben did so and then got into bed, snuggling up against Five in the way he’d grown accustomed to. 

“Goodnight, Ben.” 

“Goodnight,” Ben said. “I love you.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Five said. “Love you too.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Donuts were not as comforting as they used to be. 

"So the old man has run away from home again," Klaus said. "I mean, what else is new?" 

Diego smacked him upside the head. 

_"Ow!"_ Klaus clutched at his head with the kind of exaggeration that told Ben he wasn't really hurt. "Why is everyone so mean to me?!" 

“Cause you’re a jackass,” Diego said. 

“I second that,” Ben mumbled around a mouthful of donut. 

Klaus threw his hands up. “Am I wrong?!” 

Ben rolled his eyes. 

“It’s different this time,” Diego said. “Five wants to _protect_ us.” 

“From the big bad Commission, yeah yeah.” Klaus surreptitiously plucked the sprinkles off of his donut. “Why doesn’t he just let them take him to the future?” 

Ben coughed, and choked on his donut. 

Diego slapped him on the back. “Spit it out!” 

Ben shook his head, swallowing the food down. “What?” he croaked. 

“They didn’t tell you that part?” Klaus said. 

“Shut up,” Diego said. 

Ben crushed the rest of his donut. 

“What a waste,” Klaus said. 

“They want to take him to the future?” Ben said. “Why would they do that?” 

“Cause Five is _old,”_ Klaus said. “He doesn’t look it, but he’s supposed to be in 2050 or something.” 

Ben stared at him. 

“So what?” Diego said. “He belongs with us.” 

Ben stood. “He didn’t tell me anything about that!” 

“It’s okay, Ben,” Diego said. “We won’t let them take him. Once we find him we’re gonna-” 

“But he wouldn’t _really_ be gone,” Klaus said. “He’d be with the old versions of us. So it’s not like-”

“Shut up, Klaus!” Ben and Diego said at the same time. 

“Why do you guys keep lying to me?” Ben said. “You think I can’t handle it?” 

Klaus raised his hand. _“I_ never lied to you.” 

“You’re right,” Ben said. “Thanks.” 

“Five did it first,” Diego said. “I was just going along-”

“Since when do _you_ go along?” Klaus said. 

“Whatever,” Ben said. “I’m going to call Five again.” 

“Tell him he’s an asshole,” Klaus said. “Tell him from _me,_ yeah?” 

Ben considered him. There was something off about Klaus. The bags under his eyes, the stringy-ness of his hair, the way he picked at his food instead of eating it. Maybe Klaus hadn’t lied about anything directly, but Ben got the uneasy feeling that there was a storm brewing under the surface. 

… or Klaus was just hung over.

Either way, it was something he’d have to investigate later. 

“I’ll tell him,” Ben said. “Is there anything else you want to get off your chest?” 

Klaus shook his head. “Just that.” 

Ben nodded. “Alright.” 

There were too many mysteries in this household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sayumi_konoto made fanart of a scene from the first chapter of déjà fait! :D :D :D It's the part where Five is freaking out about the kitten at cat castle xD You can check it out here:  
> https://iconsumeheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/640508401071325184/heeheehee-school-is-starting-and-im-hhgggggg-so-i  
> And be sure to give it a like if you do :D


	5. Allison

_That which is done out of love is always beyond good and evil._

_―_ _Friedrich Nietzsche_

  
  


One of the first things Ben realized was that he had no clothes. Technically there were still uniforms available in his closet; preserved, like the room itself, as if he'd just stepped out for lunch instead of a fourteen year leap in time. 

But he didn't want to wear those anymore. 

Instead he borrowed t-shirts and jeans from Diego or Klaus, oversized sweatshirts from Luther and comfy hand knitted sweaters that Mom had made as if she knew exactly when he would be back and what he would want.

Ben was satisfied with this hodgepodge of borrowed clothes, but Allison insisted they go shopping. 

Five didn't want to go with them. 

"I already have clothes," he said. "I'll just wear that stuff." 

The ‘stuff’ in Five's closet was a very particular collection of starched button ups and dress pants. He treated them with the same contradictory mix of apathy and pride that he’d always directed at the Umbrella Academy uniform. 

His one complaint was that he couldn’t find a tie. 

“Oh, Five doesn’t wear ties that often anymore,” Allison said. “I mean, the other-”

“I _know_ who you meant,” Five said. “But this shirt looks silly without one.” 

“But you have a tie,” Ben said. “The one you were wearing with the Academy uniform.” 

_“That_ tie won’t work,” Five said. 

Ben looked at the shirt Five was holding. It was pale blue with pinstripes. Why wouldn’t the black tie work for it?

“I think Luther packed all of the ties,” Allison said. “When he took luggage for Five, for Old Five.” 

“Great,” Five muttered. “I can’t wear this shirt, then.” 

He hung it back in his closet. 

“I’ll buy you a whole collection of ties,” Allison said. “In every color, hmm? Come shopping with us.” 

Five pursed his lips. 

“Please?” Allison nudged Ben with her elbow. 

“Oh, uh… and I could use your help,” Ben said. “I have no idea how to pick clothes.” 

Five fiddled with the cuffs on his shirt sleeves. “Is Klaus going?” 

“Yeah, but-”

“Nope!” Allison cut in. “Klaus is officially uninvited.” 

Ben frowned. “But he said-”

“I know what he said,” Allison said. “But Klaus can go shopping with you whenever he wants. He _lives_ here.” 

Five smirked. “She makes a fair point, Ben.” 

There was nothing Klaus hated more than being left out, especially where Allison was concerned. This was the kind of thing he’d sulk about for days. 

But that was teenage Klaus. Maybe the thirty year old version of him would handle it with more maturity? 

Ben found that hard to believe, but it was also true that adult Klaus had been bullying Five every chance he got. Ben couldn’t blame Five for wanting a break. 

“We’ll uninvite Klaus if you agree to come with us,” Ben finally said. 

“Deal.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There were so many different kinds of _shorts._ And they were surprisingly colorful. Ben had always thought the Men’s Section would be full of dull grays and blacks and he’d assumed half of Klaus’s wardrobe was from the Women’s Section. 

“Klaus _does_ shop from the Women’s Section,” Allison said. “But there’s also a lot of overlap between styles now. Because gender nonconformity is more widely accepted than it used to be. Oh and probably because of the metrosexuals, too.” 

“The _what?”_ Five said. 

Ben examined a pair of shorts that were decorated with little whales while Allison explained, “Basically straight guys who are sort of effeminate.” 

Ben showed her the shorts. “Are these effeminate?”

She grinned. “Maroon isn’t effeminate.” Allison took the shorts from him and held them out against him. “And the whales are subtle. I think they’re actually… I mean, they’re really _cute_ but you could pull it off with the right shirt. I’d recommend something solid, though. You know, without any patterns.” 

“I like these ones.” Five pointed at a pair of khaki shorts that were basically the same, but boring. There were no little whales. 

Allison sighed. “Of course you do.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Allison tried _really_ hard to get Five to wear something age appropriate, nudging him towards hoodies and v-necks, jeans and casual long sleeve cotton shirts. The harder she tried, though, the more Five seemed to delight in completely shattering her expectations. 

“I like _this_.” Five proudly presented her with a pair of suspenders. Ben had no idea where he’d found them. 

“Oh my god,” Allison said. “Even old man Five wouldn’t wear something like that.” 

“Well I’m _young man_ Five,” Five said. “And I want them.” 

“That would look great with a bow tie,” Ben said. 

Five wrinkled his nose. 

“Don’t give him ideas!” Allison groaned. 

“Bow ties are stupid,” Five said. 

“So are suspenders,” Allison said. 

Five flipped her off, then warped away. He’d been doing that all day, teleporting all over whatever store they were in and returning at random moments with his findings. 

Allison reached out, as if to grab him, but she could only grasp at thin air. “Argh! That boy needs to be put on a leash!” 

“You’re the one that wanted him to come shopping with us,” Ben said. 

She pouted. “I thought you would help me persuade him into wearing something _good.”_

He laughed. “Why would I do that?” 

“Because you love me?” Allison batted her eyes at him, her smile imploring, and Ben was hit with a nostalgic sense of déjà vu. 

He melted with it. “I mean… Five doesn’t really listen to me.” 

“He does!” Allison said. “He listens to you more than anyone.” 

“I don’t know…” 

“Please?” 

“Well… I can _try.”_

Allison rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek. “You’re the best!” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Five, check out this sweater.”

The sweater in question was pretty adult-ish. Allison thought it might appeal to Five. It was kind of purple- _plum_ Allison had said- with a diamond pattern, almost like the Academy sweater vest.

Five nodded at the sweater. “It’ll look good on you.” 

“No, uh.” Ben glanced at Allison and she frantically mimed _keep going!_ “I thought it would look good on _you.”_

Five considered this. “Oh, I guess it’s too small for you.” 

“Yeah! Yeah, it’s too small for me. But it’s really nice, right?” 

Five shrugged. 

“You could wear a dress shirt underneath,” Ben said. “Like you’ve been doing with your sweater vest.” 

Five had been pairing the Academy sweater vest with a lot of the shirts the Old Five had collected. It was the only part of the uniform that he’d kept wearing.

“I can try it on, I suppose,” Five said. 

He took the sweater into the changing room and Allison _beamed._ “Good job!”

They high fived. 

“Now we just need to get him into some casual pants,” she added. 

“Aren’t the khaki shorts casual?” Ben said. 

She wrinkled her nose. “Well, yeah but… something better than that.” 

“I can hear you scheming over there,” Five called from the changing room.

Ben winced. 

“I scheme because I love you!” Allison called back. 

“Yeah yeah.” Five stepped out of the changing room. He'd combined the sweater with a white button up and the khaki shorts. 

_"Oh."_ Allison gaped at him. "That's actually a really good outfit." 

Five smirked. "I know." 

Ben put a hand on Five's shoulder, leaning down so he could say, with as much gravity as he could muster, "You're the most fashionable guy in this family. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." 

Five rolled his eyes. "I can try on the jeans too." 

Allison gasped. "Ben, you are a godsend." 

Five waggled a finger at her. "But I'm keeping the suspenders." 

"Deal!" 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The aquarium was _huge._ It was like its own little city, with pathways that led from seals enclosed in their own personal theme park, to dolphins that you could actually throw fish _,_ and ending with the large tunnel that you could walk through that basically housed thousands of different fish in every color and size imaginable. 

“It’s official,” Ben said. “I want to come here every day. We should come back with _everyone.”_

Allison laughed. “They would totally humor you if you asked.” 

But today, it was just the two of them. 

“I want some alone time with you,” Allison had said. “Since I'll have to go back to L.A. soon.” 

It was sad that she lived so far away, but Allison had a daughter now. She couldn’t just move home on a whim. 

And there was also the older Five. 

“For real though,” Ben said. “This is the greatest place I’ve _ever_ been.” 

“Oh yeah?” Allison teased. “Better than Cat Castle?” 

Ben pretended to think about it and she lightly punched him on the shoulder. 

“It’s a tie with Cat Castle.” Ben shrugged in a _what can ya do?_ kind of way. “Because all animals are created equal.” 

“Suuure,” Allison said. “You know what? Next time, I’m going to take you to a petting zoo.” 

“Oh my gosh,” Ben said. “I _love_ you.” 

She giggled. “You’d better!” 

He gave her a hug. “You’re the best sister _ever.”_

“Uh huh.” Allison was so much taller than him now, she had to bend down to give him a nose kiss. 

He indulged in the affection, but then glanced around self consciously. Thankfully, no one was paying attention to them. 

“Aw, but I can’t take all the credit," Allison said. "This was actually Klaus’s idea.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yup. I never would have thought of it." She sighed happily, smiling at the jellyfish that were majestically floating over their heads. “He said you would love it.” 

“Wow,” Ben said. “He was right.” 

“Yup.” Allison said. “Hey, listen. I know Klaus has been a little abrasive lately.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You know.” She gestured vaguely. “He’s… you know.” 

Ben did not know. Time to guess. 

“He’s been picking fights with Five,” Ben said. “But I don’t think he means it in a bad way. He just doesn’t realize how sensitive Five actually is.” 

“Maybe, but I’m not talking about that.” Allison turned back to the tank, studying the jellyfish with more intensity than they deserved. “I just think he’s taken things kind of hard.” 

“What things?” 

“It’s hard to explain,” Allison said. “It’s really… it’s complicated.” 

“Is it about my death?” 

“Yeah.” Allison peeked at him, but then turned back towards the jellyfish. 

“Did it traumatize him?” 

“I think so,” Allison said. “I mean… well, you know what his power is.” 

Ben swallowed. “Did he…” 

“Yeah. He spent a lot of time with your ghost.” 

“Oh.” Ben turned towards the jellyfish too. They were really pretty. Calming. But they didn’t keep his attention for long. “Was I a gory ghost?” 

“No, no,” Allison said. “You looked normal. Uh, your ghost liked to wear a leather jacket. You had this whole outfit, which was funny because you died in the mission uniform, but I guess that doesn’t matter for ghosts?” 

“But Klaus could have lied about what I looked like,” Ben said. 

“No I _saw_ you,” Allison said. “Klaus figured out that he could make you visible. And even solid! We all got to see you and talk to you, for little stretches.” 

Ben didn’t know what to say to that. 

“Anyway.” Allison gave him that familiar imploring smile. “Just, go easy on him? He can be a jerk. I know he can, but don’t take it too hard.” 

Ben nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

Allison sighed in relief. “Okay, good! I said what I needed to say.” 

Ben chuckled. “Was it hard?” 

“Oh, you know.” Allison gestured vaguely again. Ben was starting to recognize it as a sign that she was really uncomfortable. “We’re not used to talking about our feelings in this family.” 

“We’re not?” 

Ben remembered what Mom had told him on his first day in the future: _I love you, dear. We’ve been making a habit of saying so more often around here._

“I thought everyone was more affectionate now?” Ben added. 

“We’re trying to be,” Allison said. “But Vanya says it’s not just about affection.” 

“What else is it about?” 

Allison groaned and there was more vague gesturing. 

Ben laughed. “Ah. Makes total sense.” 

Allison laughed too. “Right? I’m the queen of communication.” 

“It’s your new superpower,” Ben teased.

Allison grinned. “So anyway, do you want to pet a stingray?” 

“Real talk, I’m not sure what a stingray is,” Ben said. “I’m not, like, an oceanographer. I just think dolphins are cute.” 

“Fair enough,” Allison said. “But Klaus stressed to me that it is vitally important for you to get the chance to touch one, so let’s go figure out where and what they are, shall we?” 

Ben saluted her. “Yes, m’am!” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was a really awkward party. At first everyone was just sort of sitting in the living room, looking around at each other as if they were waiting for a lecture or something. 

Luther had set his laptop up on the coffee table so the older Five could phone in (Or video in? He was using the video chat thingy again) but Five didn’t like the angle, so he demanded the laptop be moved over to the bar. 

Which meant the party got split in half, some of them remaining on the couches and some following Luther’s laptop. Ben went with Luther because he wanted to hang out with Old Five, for a change. 

Allison got behind the bar and crouched down to examine the cabinets. “Wow, you guys really cleared the place out.” 

“We didn’t get to _drink_ it,” Klaus whined. “Five chucked everything out!” 

“Because you’re a fucking alcoholic” The Five on the laptop was in Claire’s room again. Ben thought it was hilarious to see him leaning back against a pile of unicorn stuffed animals.

“It’s legal to be an alcoholic!” Klaus protested. “I don’t drive, I don’t bother anyone!” 

“Isn’t it fine for special occasions?” Allison said. “I actually bought some wine for the party…” 

Ben noticed Luther looked distinctly uncomfortable. “I don’t think Five would like that.” 

“Five is right _here,_ you moron,” Five said.

“Right,” Luther said. “Sorry.” 

Klaus turned the laptop around so that it was facing Allison. “Tell him he should let me drink,” Klaus said. “Tell him it’s a birthday must!” 

Ben rushed to the other side of the bar so he could see Five’s expression when he responded. 

“I’m not giving you my approval.” Five was stoic, but the unicorns clashed with his stern demeanor. “But you’re a grown man, Klaus. You don’t need _permission.”_

Now _Allison_ looked uncomfortable. “It’s just a little wine,” she said. “It’s not strong or anything.” 

Klaus whooped. “Let’s get this party _started.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was the same laptop Old Five had been using to video chat with them before, but now it was Allison on the screen. 

“I just think we’ve run out of options,” Allison said. “I even sent out an Amber Alert, but no one has seen him.” 

Ben had half expected Power Puff Girls or the unicorn pile to be in the background behind her, but Allison wasn’t in Claire’s room. 

“You used _Amber Alert?”_ Vanya said, incredulously. “Allison, that’s for _kidnapped_ children.” 

The painting behind Allison was professional, spread out on a canvas. It was of a large group of people that were clearly a mix of different races.

“So I bent the truth a little,” Allison snapped. “Fucking sue me.” 

Ben was listening to the conversation, but he was also stuck on the painting. Was it one of Mom’s? She’d made a whole collection. 

“Whoaa,” Diego said. “Don’t take everything so _personally,_ Allison.” 

“Yeah, _Allison,”_ Klaus snickered. “Turn it down a notch.” 

“Fuck. You.” On the screen Allison jutted her chin out, stubbornly angry.

“Okay, hold on,” Luther said. “I think we all knew we’d stand a better chance if we just convinced Five to come back on his own.” 

“I’ve been calling him every day,” Vanya said. “He keeps saying ‘I know what I’m doing’ and things like that.” 

“We can’t convince him,” Allison said. “I have to Rumor him.” 

On the couch next to Ben, the younger Five was following the conversation without expression. Ben kept waiting for him to say something, but he just… he just stoically took it all in. Like he was watching a movie, something that didn’t actually involve him. 

“You know that’s not going to work,” Diego said. “As soon as it wears off he’ll leave again.” 

“Not if he runs out of juice,” Klaus said. “You can trap him if you’re smart about it!” 

“Do you guys _hear_ yourselves?” Whenever Vanya raised her voice everybody tensed, but so far nothing had shattered. “You talk about him like he’s a wild animal!” 

“We don’t have time for positive words of affirmation,” Allison said, derisively. “The Commission could swoop in and snatch him up at any second!” 

“I’ve been here for over a month now,” young Five finally spoke up. “And they haven’t shown themselves.” 

“I know,” Luther said. “But the other Five says-”

“Five says, Five says,” Klaus griped. “I’m so tired of trying to puzzle out what Five says! No offense, Five." 

Five shrugged. 

“What do _you_ think, Ben?” Diego said. “You have an opinion?” 

Everyone turned to look at him. 

“Um… no?” Ben said. 

“Is that a question?” Five asked. 

“No,” Ben said. “I just… I’m still thinking.” 

“We don’t have _time_ for thinking,” Allison said. “Ben, I love you, but-”

“That’s okay,” Ben said, quickly. “Sorry.” 

"We're still brainstorming," Luther said. "Don't worry, Ben." 

“No, she's right,” Diego said. “We can't keep sitting on our asses like this." 

"Should we sit on our faces?" Klaus said.

Diego ignored him. "I'm willing to let Allison try it her way, but when she fails-”

“You’re always so negative,” Klaus said. 

Diego threw his hands up. “Whose side are you _on,_ Klaus?!” 

“I’m on nobody’s side,” Klaus said. “I’m the devil’s advocate.” 

“Guys, _focus,”_ Allison said. 

“You can’t Rumor him anyway,” Vanya said. “He won’t let you.” 

“If I borrow someone else’s phone he’ll pick up,” Allison said. “I just need one of you to come over here.”

“That’s nefarious,” Klaus said. 

“He just might be dumb enough to fall for it,” Five said. 

“Dude,” Ben said. “You’re insulting yourself right now.” 

"Let's agree to disagree on that," Five said. 

"That's a mind fuck," Klaus said. 

“Guys, I don’t like this plan,” Vanya said. "If it doesn't work out it'll just give Five a reason to stop answering our calls." 

“At the end of the day, we need to do what’s best for Five,” Luther said. “Do you want to protect his pride or risk him getting trapped thirty years in the future?” 

Vanya groaned. 

“Luther’s right,” Allison said. “And Five would do the same for us! Right Five?” 

“Sure,” Five said. “I guess.” 

“Then it’s settled,” Allison said. “Luther, will you make the trip over here?” 

Luther nodded. "Yeah, I'll-" 

“Hold on,” Diego said. “Why are you asking _Luther?”_

“Cause Luther is big,” Klaus said. “And you are small.” 

“Fuck you.” Diego said the phrase in a nonchalant way, like it was something to get out of the way. “I’m better at long range attacks. If Five tries to sneak away again-”

“You’ll do what?” Allison said. “Throw a knife at him?” 

Diego scowled. 

“Just give it up,” Ben said. “Let Luther go.” 

Diego made eye contact with him, and Ben tried to figure out how to smile in a way that wouldn't seem mocking.

Diego took a deep breath. "Fine," he said, through gritted teeth. 

Klaus started a slow clap, full of sarcasm and pride. "That's what we call _growth_ , kids!" 

Diego punched him on the shoulder, but Klaus didn't even flinch. "I'm still working on mine," Klaus said, instead of whining. "Give it a few years."

"Okay then!" Allison said. "I'm glad we're finally in agreement." 

"Technically, we're not all in agreement," Vanya said. 

"Right, well, I'm glad _most_ of us are," Allison said, then quickly added: "I'm hanging up!" 

The square where her image had been got replaced with an old photo of her. 

"That was such a Five power move," Klaus said. "You know what? I'm gonna end all of my phone calls that way from now on." 

"Since the meeting is over, I'm leaving too," Five said. 

"Wait-" Vanya started, but Five had already teleported. 

She sighed. 

Luther put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Five is Five," he chuckled. "Am I right?" 

Ben shook his head. "Too soon, man." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ben waited until he was alone to call Allison. The phone was stuck ringing for a long time and he was starting to wonder if it was broken when she finally picked up. 

"I'm so sorry, Ben," she said. "I had my phone on silent." 

"That's okay," Ben said. "Um, thanks for answering." 

"Is everything okay?" 

"Yeah." He was in the attic, the infamous spot where Allison and Luther used to sneak off to be alone together. The place was dusty and abandoned, a mess of blankets and throw pillows piled together in a careless heap. 

"Ben?" 

"Sorry," Ben said. "Was I supposed to say more?" 

There was a rustle over the line. Ben couldn't make out what it was. 

He tentatively sat down on one of the throw pillows. It was dirty, but comfy enough. 

"I forgot how quiet you are," Allison finally said. "It's kind of your default, isn't it?" 

"Is that a bad thing?" 

"No, of course not," Allison said. "It's just that I forgot." 

Fourteen years was a really long time. Almost as long as he'd been alive in the first place. Hell, _longer_ than the younger Five had been alive. 

"I keep forgetting too," Ben said. "How long you guys have lived without me." 

"Oh, Ben," Allison said. "I didn't mean to dredge that up." 

"No I just… I'm just saying. It's weird." 

"I know it is," Allison said. "I'm sorry." 

"Five said he didn't want to do this to me," Ben said. "I didn't get what he meant by that at first." 

"But now you do?" 

"Yeah." Ben decided to lay down and there was an explosion of dust motes as he disturbed more pillows. 

He coughed. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah," Ben repeated. "Sorry." 

"Were you coughing?" 

"Yeah, but I'm fine." 

_"Are_ you fine?" Allison said. "Because I'm not. I'm the opposite of fine." 

"You're right," Ben said. "I mean, me too." 

"Goddammit," Allison said. "I keep thinking about Dad's funeral. That's when Five came back, did anyone tell you that?" 

"No, it hasn't come up." 

"He just fell from the sky," Allison said. "Literally dropped down on us in an oversized suit." 

Ben tried to picture it. "Oversized because of the mistake he made?" 

"Yup. And I think I caught a glimpse of him right before it happened. The old man that he was before he walked through the portal. Just for a _split_ second." 

"What did he look like?" 

"I didn't get a good look," Allison said. "I'm not even sure if I actually saw. I think maybe I just tricked myself into _thinking_ I saw. But I was also half convinced that Five was lying about his age. That he was the same kid who ran away from us in 2002." 

"I thought that too," Ben said. "Until I spent enough time with the younger Five to notice the differences." 

"Because that would make more _sense,"_ Allison said. "And I remember I was so angry at him that day!" 

"The day Five came back?" 

"Yes! Cause he just strolled into the kitchen and started making himself a sandwich!" 

Once again, Ben tried to picture it. But instead he saw the Five that pulled him out of bed, and out of his life, in the middle of the night one random day. 

"I would be mad too," Ben said. 

"I don't know what I was expecting," Allison said. "But he just… and I just… goddammit." 

"He was too busy trying to save the world?"

"Probably," Allison said. "But he didn't even tell us the world was ending. Not until later." 

"Typical." 

"Why is he _like_ that? Do you know?" 

Ben shifted around in his makeshift hobo bed, trying to get more comfortable while he considered the question. 

"Ben?" 

"I'm thinking," Ben said. 

The dust motes were oddly pretty. The way they gently floated in the light. 

Ben sneezed. 

"Are you getting sick?" 

"No," Ben said. 

"Uh huh," Allison said. "Get Mom to check your temperature just in case." 

"I'm not sick," Ben said. "Anyway, Five has always been like that. I think that's just how he is?" 

"Vanya says we all have different coping mechanisms for different reasons," Allison said. "I guess it's difficult to tell the difference between nature and nurture, but even just looking at nurture we all had different experiences." 

"But we grew up in the same place," Ben said. 

"Yeah, but we weren't treated the same," Allison said. "You know how Dad liked to pit us against each other." 

"I thought it was just Diego and Luther that fell for that," Ben said. "The rest of us didn't care." 

_"I_ cared," Allison said. "And Five definitely cared." 

"You think so? But he always seemed so… nonchalant." 

"He was smug," Allison said. "Because he was talented. He didn't have any of Diego's insecurity, or any of Luther's… uh, eager-to-please deal. But I think Five was kind of obsessive about pushing himself?" 

Ben considered it. The way Five had always jumped at the chance to practice teleporting, to do different things with it, to puzzle it out and do _more._

To time travel. 

"I could be wrong," Allison added. "You know him better than I do."

"You're probably not wrong," Ben said. "Even now he's obsessed with his powers. The younger Five, I mean." 

"Right, so-"

"But I don't think that has anything to do with Dad." 

"Maybe not," Allison said. 

Ben didn't like the way she said that. Like she disagreed, but wasn't willing to argue the point. 

But he didn't call her to argue about Five's feelings on Dad. 

"Listen," Ben said. "Can you convince Luther to let me go with him to L.A?" 

"Wow," Allison said. "You're taking after Diego now?" 

"You said yourself that I know Five best," Ben said. "You said he listens to me." 

"I was talking about the _younger_ Five," Allison said. "I don't think-"

"I can talk him into staying," Ben insisted. "Maybe he'll like living with you more if I'm there too?" 

"No, it'll have the opposite effect." 

Ben sat up. _"What?_ Why would it-"

"Weren't you listening? Old Five is _paranoid._ He thinks the Commission is out to get him." 

"But are they _really_ out to get him?" Ben said. "The younger Five says he's skeptical." 

"The younger Five doesn't know anything about them," Allison said. "And even if Five is wrong, he'll still _react_ as if it's a life or death situation. If you get near him he'll freak out." 

"Life or death?" Ben said. "Why would it be life or death?" 

"They have a history of being a bit messy," Allison said. "Like, they have their target or whatever, but if a civilian gets in the way they don't mind killing them." 

_"What?!_ Why would they kill them for… for…"

Ben floundered for the right words, but he didn't even know what it was the Commission actually _did._

"Oh no," Allison said. "No one told you." 

"Told me _what?"_

"About the Commission," Allison said. "About what they do." 

Ben swallowed. "Five said they protect the timeline or something." 

"But he didn't tell you how." 

A life or death situation. Civilians who got in the way would be killed. 

"They're assassins," Allison said. "I'm sorry to tell you like this." 

"Does that mean they're going to kill Five?!" Ben said. "Klaus said they just want to take him to the future." 

"Five assured everyone that they wouldn't kill him," Allison said. "But honestly? I don't know what to believe at this point." 

_Neither do I,_ Ben thought. 

What if Allison was lying? _Everyone_ was always lying! 

"Are you okay?" Allison said. 

"I'm really tired of that question." 

"Okay, fair. Um, but are you… do you get why we need you to stay in New York?" 

"Because I'm useless," Ben muttered. 

"No, because Five is especially worried about your safety," Allison said. "I mean, we all are, but I think he would really freak out if he thought you were stepping into the line of fire." 

"But what about _me?"_ Ben said. "I'm freaking out too!" 

"I know, I'm sorry-"

"It's not _fair."_

"You're absolutely right," Allison said. "I wish things were different."

"Me too," Ben said. 

Ben hugged his knees to his chest and waited for Allison to say something more. There had to be some kind of compromise, right? Something he hadn't thought of. 

But she didn't say anything. 

"So that's it?" Ben said. "I'm just supposed to stay out of the way while you and Luther save Five?" 

"Diego agreed to stay behind too," Allison pointed out. 

"Because he thinks you're going to fail!" 

"He's wrong," Allison said. "Please give us a chance to prove him wrong?" 

"Fine," Ben said. "Then I guess I'm hanging up." 

"Okay," Allison said. "We'll talk later." 

"Fine." 

After hanging up, Ben threw his phone against the wall. 

Immediately, he picked it back up to see if it was broken, but the phone case had protected it. 

For some reason, that pissed him off. 

So then, impulsively, Ben opened the portal in his stomach and watched the Horror demolish the attic. 

The tentacles writhed around in their usual incoherent frenzy, punching holes in the ceiling and _shrieking,_ wailing with the uncontained fury and bloodlust that Ben had always hated. 

But today?

Ben was screaming too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm picturing Old Five walking alone in the rain in his little suit and fedora while Linkin Park's "Leave Out All the Rest" plays in the background. Because it BE LIKE THAT. 😩😩😩
> 
> Anywho, last call for voting! If you'd prefer a Partial or a Full memory wipe, please let me know in the comments. At the rate I've been writing, the sixth chapter will most likely go up the day after tomorrow and as soon as its up voting will be closed. You guys seem to be really divided on it, so I have no idea which one will win in the end O:


	6. Luther

_We're a team. It's part of our job to help each other out, and to forgive each other quickly. Otherwise, we'd never get anything done._

_― Jeramey Kraatz_

  
  


It was weird, actually sitting in Dad's office. Ben had only ever peeked inside before. 

It was weirder seeing Luther sitting behind Dad's desk, but Ben supposed it made sense for Number One to inherit the right. 

There was a pile of Manila folders on the desk between them. Luther tapped his fingers on them. 

"So," Luther said. "As you know, we _are_ rich." 

"Uh huh," Ben said. "I _did_ notice that, yeah." 

"I know you're seventeen," Luther said. "But legally, you were never reported dead or missing. I checked." 

Ben tilted his head. "And that's… good?" 

"It means you're about to be thirty," Luther said. "Legally, I mean." 

"Oh," Ben said. "That's… cool?" 

"I was thinking we could consider you eighteen though," Luther said. "Like, for the birthday party? Unless you want to wait until next year to call yourself eighteen." 

Ben considered it. "Nah, that would feel like skipping. We can wait until next year." 

Luther nodded. "Okay, but legally you'll be thirty. Except you don't have a bank account or anything." 

"I also don't have a job or anything," Ben pointed out. 

"I know," Luther said. "But you're entitled to a portion of the inheritance. I want to set you up with an account… it's kind of like a kid's account? Because it'll be connected to mine. I'll have access and I'll be depositing money every month. Like an allowance." 

"Wow, okay, cool." 

"I know that might seem a little unfair," Luther said. 

"Nah, seems totally fair," Ben said. 

Luther blinked. "Right. Uh, well, I did the same thing for Klaus." 

"You give him money every month?" 

"Yeah, instead of giving him access to the full amount," Luther said. "Because he's not very… responsible." 

Ben snorted. 

"I'm not saying _you're_ not responsible," Luther quickly added. "But since you've never had money before, I just thought this would be the smart play for now." 

Ben shrugged. "Okay." 

Luther grinned, nodding to himself. "We'll need to get you a driver's license first though. Banks kind of require it." 

"I don't know how to drive, dude." 

"I know," Luther said. "I'll teach you, don't worry." 

Ben didn't know how to feel about that. Should he be excited? It was one of those things he'd never thought about before. 

"You still with me?" Luther said. 

"Uh, yeah," Ben said. 

"Listen." Luther put on his Serious Number One face. "I don't want to overwhelm you." 

"I'm not overwhelmed." 

"Okay," Luther said. "But I just want you to know, you have more options now. I don't want you to feel tied down by the Academy." 

"Tied down?" Ben said. "What do you mean?" 

"Everyone moved out as soon as they turned eighteen," Luther said. "They just… they went out and _did_ things. Started careers, even. Like Allison with her movies and Vanya with the orchestra." 

"Vanya joined an orchestra?" 

"She did," Luther said. "She's doing solo acts now, but she spent years with the orchestra first." 

"She's doing solo acts?" Ben made a mental note to interrogate Vanya about this later. He'd already seen several of Allison's movies, but Vanya had been quiet about her own success. 

"My _point,"_ Luther said. "is that I want you to have the freedom to pursue whatever you want to pursue." 

"Sure," Ben said. 

"Have you thought about college?" Luther said. "You're really smart. I bet you could get in anywhere you want. You could take your pick." 

Ben frowned. "I can't leave for college." 

"Why not?" 

"Why would I want to leave?" Ben said. "I _just_ got here. And, and everyone missed me! Right?" 

Luther nodded quickly. "There are colleges in New York too." 

Ben deflated, chuckling to himself. "Oh." 

Luther looked so earnest when he said, "Ben, we all love you. And we want what's best for you." 

Ben swallowed. "Thanks." 

"I want you to know that I'm here for you," Luther said. "I'll help you with this stuff. And there's no pressure. You don't have to go to college or anything like that. If you want to just stay home and read all day that's fine too." 

"Wow," Ben said. "I think that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." 

Luther rubbed at the back of his neck. "Oh? That's, uh, that's good." 

"I love you too," Ben said. "Sorry, I forgot to say it back." 

Luther chuckled. "I'm still getting used to it myself. Saying it feels awkward, but it's true. So we should say it." 

"Yeah," Ben said. "It's really nice." 

Luther smiled and he opened one of the folders. "So anyway, I wanted to familiarize you with our finances a bit. It's a little confusing, but we have a bit of passive income." 

"Passive income?" 

"Like royalties," Luther said. "From the toys and stuff that Dad made for the Umbrella Academy." 

"Ah." 

"Technically speaking, no one _has_ to work," Luther said. "Right now we're spending money at a faster rate than we're making money, but we're also sitting on a _lot_ of money, so…" 

Ben did his best to pay attention while Luther explained, but most of it went over his head. 

But he let Luther talk for a while, before finally cutting in. "Hey, Luther?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you want to watch a movie?" 

Luther blinked. "Oh. Yeah, sure." 

Luther carefully gathered up his documents, neatly arranging things back into their manila folders. 

"Did _you_ go to college?" Ben said. "Like, business school or something?" 

Luther shook his head. "No, I learned this stuff from Mr. Claremont." 

"Am I supposed to know who that is?" 

"Sorry, he's a broker," Luther said. "I hired him to help me sell Dad's properties." 

Automatically, Ben was tempted to ask: _What properties?_

But he had a feeling that line of questioning would prompt another boring explanation, so instead Ben nodded and said, "Oh okay." 

"I never thought about college for myself," Luther added. "I had different priorities." 

"Never too late," Ben said. 

Luther gave him a _look._ "Uh huh." 

"I'm serious!" Ben said. "You're not that old. And it's not like college has an age limit?" 

Luther frowned. 

Ben copied one of Vanya's new favorite phrases: "It's just something to think about." 

Luther laughed. "I've heard that one before." 

_Guess it's only new to me,_ Ben thought. 

Changing tacts, Ben said, "I won't go to college unless you do it too."

"Hey now," Luther said. "That's not fair." 

"Them's the rules," Ben said. "Take it or leave it." 

Instead of taking it as a joke, Luther seemed to give the idea serious thought. "But what would I study?" 

"Whatever you like, dude." Ben eyed the folders. "Business?" 

"I don't particularly like business," Luther said. "In fact, there's a lot that I don't like about it." 

Ben shrugged. "Okay, so what _do_ you like?" 

Luther shrugged back. 

"I like books," Ben said. "So I would probably study literature or something like that." 

"I like building things," Luther said. "I don't think colleges do that?" 

"Sure they do!" Ben said. "Um, isn't engineering kind of like building? I saw an article online about, like, how schools are putting a lot of money into engineering and sciency stuff." 

Luther grinned. "So you _have_ thought about college." 

"Nah, I just like surfing the web and all that." 

The internet browser was the coolest thing about his new phone. 

"Hmm," Luther said. "Engineering. I guess I can look into it." 

"You should!" Ben said. "Live your best life, man." 

Luther ruffled his hair. "Good advice." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I hate planes,” Luther mumbled. 

Ben winced sympathetically. Airplane seats were generally cramped, but Luther had to buy three tickets just for _himself_ , so that he could at least have the arm and leg room to not, like, suffocate a fellow passenger. But even with the row to himself, Luther did _not_ look comfortable. 

Ben was sitting in the row behind him with Allison. 

“Did you say something?” Allison leaned forward. “I didn’t catch that.” 

Luther shook his head, sighing heavily. 

“You didn’t have to come with us,” Ben pointed out. “It’s a simple errand.” 

The errand in question was an impromptu trip to Cleveland Ohio. Because they’d gotten a call from the Ohio police, who claimed to have recovered a stolen car that was Hargreeves property. 

“I wanted to come,” Luther said. “Besides, it’s my name on the V5.”

“The V what?” Ben said. 

“It’s like a certificate,” Allison said. “Proof of ownership. For the car.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Well, maybe we should have driven to Ohio instead? We could have gotten a rental or something.” 

“And add _another_ seven hours of driving?” Allison scoffed. “It’s bad enough we’re gonna have to drive back to New York.” 

“Nevermind, Ben,” Luther said. “This way is faster. And we’re already here.” 

“Is this your first time in coach?” Allison said. “I mean, your first time since the accident?”

“Yeah,” Luther said. “But it’s fine. Not that different from a rocket ship, really.”

Luther chuckled weakly.

Ben tried to picture Luther cramped into a tiny little rocket ship and wondered how long it had taken him to get to the moon.

But before he could ask, Ben processed what Allison had said. 

“Wait a minute,” Ben said. “What accident?” 

Luther had been half turned towards them, but now he faced back forward, hunching in on himself. 

“Oh,” Allison said. “It was just a little mishap. While Luther was on a mission.”

Ben squinted at her. “And what, was it a really bad injury?” 

“Yes,” she said, simply. “But as you can _see,_ he recovered just fine.” 

Ben sighed. _All hail the queen of communication._

It was another pair of puzzle pieces, but Ben didn’t know how they could fit. On one side there was a mysterious injury, on the other Luther’s obvious discomfort with the plane ride. 

Ben had assumed Luther felt awkward because he was such a big guy cramped into a small space. But maybe Luther was uncomfortable for a _different_ reason. 

Something that wasn’t visibly obvious...

“Luther, are you… does it still hurt?” Ben said.

Luther glanced back. “Huh?” 

“Your injury,” Ben said. “Are you in pain? Like, are there still side effects or something? Is it the altitude? Or-"

"Whoa, whoa," Allison said. "It's nothing like that." 

Ben frowned at her. "I was asking _Luther."_

"I'm not in pain," Luther said, quickly. 

Too quickly. 

"You don't have to hide it if you are," Ben insisted. "I just want to help. Do you feel sick? Queasy?" 

The look on Luther's face was difficult to decipher. His whole face had scrunched up in distress, but what _kind?_ Physical pain, subtle illness, or… or was it emotional distress now? 

_It's me,_ Ben thought. _I'm bothering him._

"Listen-" Allison started. 

"I'm sorry," Ben blurted. "You can ignore me, Luther. I just…" 

"I know how you feel," Luther said. "I'm sorry." 

"No, _I'm_ sorry,” Ben said. 

“No, no,” Luther said. “I should be the one apologizing.” 

“But-” 

“Oh my god!” Allison burst out. “Would you guys _stop?”_

Ben blinked at her. 

“What is even happening right now?” Allison said. “I’m really confused.” 

“You and me both,” Ben snapped. “What happened to all that stuff about… about talking things out? You said everyone is trying to, like, communicate more. Didn’t you? But you guys are keeping all these secrets from me!” 

“We’re not…” Allison hesitated, glancing at Luther.

“You totally are!” Ben leaned toward Luther and tried to adjust his tone to something calmer. “Luther, I just want to know you’re okay. You’re okay, right? What kind of accident was it?”

Luther rubbed at the back of his neck. “This isn’t really the place for that kind of conversation.” 

He’d failed to appeal to Luther, so Ben turned back towards Allison, pouting imploringly. 

“Don’t give me the puppy dog eyes,” she groaned. “It’s not my secret to tell.” 

“So there _is_ a secret,” Ben said. “Does it have to do with that mission on the moon? Did he get hurt up there?” 

“It was before that,” Luther said. “Look, I was the last one at the Academy, right? I’ve told you that much.” 

“Yeah,” Ben said. “At least.” 

“So Dad was sending me on solo missions,” Luther said. “And this one time… I almost died.” 

Ben nodded stoically, encouraging Luther to continue.

“Dad saved me,” Luther said. “But he had to do something… in order to save me. It’s the reason I’m like this.”

Luther gestured at himself. 

Ben raised an eyebrow. “Like what?” 

Luther held up his hands and dramatically removed his fingerless gloves. “Like _this.”_

Ben tilted his head. “Your hands? Is something wrong with them?” 

Looking closely, the texture of Luther’s skin was a bit weird. It was kind of gray-ish.

Luther pushed his sleeve up to reveal a forearm, which had the same weird color. And there was stubble, like a five o’clock shadow, but on his _arm_ instead of his chin. 

“It made you... hairy?” Ben felt silly voicing the theory, but he just couldn’t see what Luther was actually getting at. 

Allison giggled and Luther frowned at her. 

“Sorry,” she said. “It’s just… well that _is_ what it did isn’t it? It’s not all that bad. Just a bit of hair.” 

“Wait, seriously?” Ben said. ‘That’s it?” 

“That’s it,” Luther mumbled. He tugged the sleeve back down and put his gloves back on. 

“I thought it was something really bad!” 

“Luther just feels a bit insecure about his looks,” Allison said. “I don’t know why though. The _ladies_ like him just fine.” 

Luther sputtered, blushing. 

Ben grinned. “Oh yeah? Has he had a lot of girlfriends?” 

“I’ve had zero girlfriends!” Luther said. 

“But you _have_ gotten laid,” Allison said. 

“And _you’ve_ been married!” Luther retorted. “Twice!” 

Ben whistled. “Twice? Wow, Allison.” 

Allison huffed. “Yeah well… I’ve only been divorced once.” 

“Does that mean you’re still married?” Ben said. “Not to Claire's dad though?”

Allison winced. “Um, technically no?” 

“It’s a long story,” Luther said. 

“And I don’t want to talk about it,” Allison said.

“But Allisooon,” Ben whined. “You’re the queen of communication!”

She chuckled. “I’ll have to give up the throne.” 

“What will the kingdom do without you?” Ben teased. “Whoever will lead us?” 

“Luther can lead us,” Allison said. “He’s a natural.” 

Luther opened his little window and the sunlight was searing. He quickly closed it again. “Sorry.” 

“See?” Allison said. “Such wisdom.” 

“Very funny,” Luther said. 

“I bet Klaus will tell me,” Ben said. “He loves to gossip.” 

“Hey now,” Luther said. “You should respect her privacy.” 

“So decreed the king,” Ben deadpanned. “And it must be law.” 

Allison bopped him on the nose. “I forgot how funny you are!” 

“I can be funny too,” Luther said. 

“Oh yeah?” Ben said. “Say something funny.” 

Luther shifted in his seat. “I would need some time to think first.” 

“Looot of time between Cleveland and New York,” Allison said. “You let us know when you’re ready.” 

She sent a conspiratorial look Ben’s way and winked. 

They both snickered. 

Luther scratched at his cheek. “Wait, so I need to come up with a joke?”

For some reason, this was _hilarious._ Ben broke out into giggles.

“You _are_ funny,” Ben said. “You’re the funniest!” 

Allison slapped his arm. “You’re so mean!” 

Luther looked confused. “Um…” 

Allison laughed so hard tears ran down her face. 

“You’re meaner!” Ben said. “Stop laughing!” 

But the more they tried to stop laughing, the harder they laughed. 

Luther took it well. He just rolled his eyes and turned towards the front of the plane. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Everyone brought birthday gifts and Ben wanted to crawl under a rock. Why hadn’t he _thought_ of that? 

“This is our first time bringing gifts,” Luther said. “You don’t have to feel bad.”

Luther had gotten him a wallet. It was cute, dark blue with a dolphin embroidered on it.

“Because Allison said you like dolphins,” Luther said. “Sorry, is it too girly? I can get you another one.” 

“I love it,” Ben said. 

There was already cash inside. A handful of ten dollar bills. 

“When you pass the driver’s ed test we can add more stuff,” Luther said. “Your license, obviously, but also a debit card and all that.”

There were gift cards too. A bunch of random restaurants. I-Hop, Chick Fil A, Griddy’s Doughnuts. 

“So that you can go out and eat,” Luther said. “Whenever you want, with whoever you want. It’ll probably take a while to teach you how to drive, so I thought this would be good in the meantime?” 

Klaus hooted when he saw the gift cards, “What a delectable selection! Now you gotta take me out to eat, Ben.” 

“Sure,” Ben said. “I’ll take everyone out to eat.” 

Klaus gave him a black leather jacket. “So you can look banging wherever you go.” 

Diego bought him a phone case. “Cause, ya know. It’s practical.” The case was covered in cartoon cats. “Vanya said you like cats,” Diego said. “So… cats.” 

With each gift, Ben would deliver an awkward thank you hug. “This is awesome,” he kept repeating. “I love this, thank you.” 

Allison gave him a laptop. “So we can video chat whenever you want.” 

And Five presented him with a laptop bag, a simple black satchel. “Allison bought it,” Five said. “But it was _my_ idea.” 

The last gift was also the best gift. Vanya gave him four books. 

“The Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy.” Vanya presented them to him with a flourish. “First launched in 2015, I got you that year’s edition and every version that’s come out since.” 

“Oh my _god,”_ Ben said.

“Ben has been obsessed with the Best American anthologies since forever,” Vanya explained to everyone else. “They have a bunch of different versions that come out every year. Best American Mystery, Best American Comics, Best American Essays, etcetera.” 

“I can’t believe they did this!” Ben said. “It’s the two _best_ genres!” 

“I know!” Vanya said. “And the 2019 edition is coming out this month!” 

“It is?!” 

“It is!” Vanya looked as giddy as Ben felt. “As soon as it hits bookstores I’m buying that one for you too.” 

“Oh my god,” Ben said. “You’re my favorite.” 

“Heeey,” Klaus said. “Yesterday you said _I_ was your favorite.” 

“You’ve been demoted,” Ben said. “Vanya is my new favorite.” 

Vanya grinned. “Damn right I am.” 

Luther laughed. “I think she deserves the title, Klaus.” 

“Well alright,” Klaus said. “But I’ll win it back.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


With the onslaught of _give Ben the best gifts ever_ finally over, everyone finally moved on to gift giving for each other. It was less organized, so Ben only caught some of the highlights. 

Diego gave Five a phone case that had a photo of a coffee mug on it. 

“I don’t like coffee,” Five said, then he turned to the older Five, who was nearby on the laptop. “Do _you_ like coffee?”

“Coffee is life,” the older Five deadpanned. 

“Shit,” Diego said. Then, to the older Five, “Should I mail it to _you_ instead?” 

“Sure,” both Fives said. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Luther gave Klaus a t-shirt that said “Sober AF.” 

“Um.” Luther looked _incredibly_ uncomfortable. “Sorry, I thought…” 

“Shhh,” Klaus said. “Have another glass of wine.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Allison gave Vanya a violin stand and two little boxes that Ben found very mysterious.

“I have no idea what the heck rosin is,” Allison said. “But the internet told me you need it for your violin, so I bought it to go with the violin stand. And this polish stuff? I think I got the wrong one, sorry, but I can-”

“Whoa,” Vanya said. “Take a breath.” 

Allison took a breath. 

“This is really useful,” Vanya said. “And the violin stand is pretty. Where did you find it?” 

Ben got bored with their conversation at that point, so he kept walking around the room, eavesdropping on more gift exchanges. 

“I just thought, you know, _bow ties_ are cool,” Klaus was saying to Five. “I mean, they’re not _my_ style, but Ben told me about your suspenders. So.” 

Five wasn’t even trying to hide his displeasure. “Bow ties are _not_ cool.” 

Ben giggled and Klaus rounded on him. “You said he was into them!” 

“I didn’t think you would _buy_ them,” Ben said. “I didn’t know you were fishing for gift intel!”

“Liar!” 

Ben really wasn’t lying, but he couldn’t stop laughing and it made him look suspicious. 

“You evil little minx!” Klaus chased him around the room, but Ben was in better shape. Klaus didn’t stand a chance. 

Klaus _almost_ reached him at one point, but by then Luther was ready to play mediator.

“That’s enough roughhousing,” Luther said sternly. 

“Oh my god,” Ben said. “You sound like _Mom.”_

Klaus burst into laughter and he wasn’t the only one. 

“It’s one of her phrases!” Allison said, giggling. “It really is!” 

“It just slipped out,” Luther said.

“You’re such a _dad_ now,” Ben said. “And I don’t mean like Dad, dad, I mean, like a sitcom dad. You’re all, ‘Have you given college some thought?’ and ‘You’re owed an allowance.’ It’s like, you’ve become the wholesome-est dad dude.” 

Klaus was dramatically rolling on the floor now, positively cackling. 

“Um,” Luther said. 

“He’s not wrong,” Diego said. “You _do_ have wholesome dad vibes, bro.” 

Luther scratched his head. “Is that a good thing?” 

“I’ll take you over our real Dad any day,” Five said.

Klaus clapped his hands. “It’s official! We’re promoting Luther to dad status!”

Ben laughed. “Hear hear!” 

“Okay but seriously,” Luther said. “Stop running around?” 

Klaus leapt up. “Well, now I want to run some more.” 

Klaus did that movie thing, pointing at his own eyes and then at Ben with two fingers. “I’m gonna get cha.” 

Ben used Luther as a human shield, ducking under his arm and behind him. “Luther won’t let you.” 

“Luther is weak to tickling,” Klaus said. 

Luther actually played along, gasping dramatically in a very Klaus-like way. “You wouldn’t dare.” 

“I _would,”_ Klaus said. 

“If you tickle him I will revoke your wine privileges,” Allison called from the bar. 

That stopped Klaus in his tracks. “Huh,” he said. “Not worth.”

Ben watched him collect his empty glass and wander back over to her for a refill, slightly disappointed. 

Luther noticed. “He’ll get back on the wagon. This is just a slip up.” 

“Does he slip up a lot?” 

“Um.” Luther avoided his eyes. “Not a _lot.”_

“So he does.”

“Okay, yeah he does.” 

Ben huffed. 

“Sorry,” Luther said. “I’m not very good at saying no to him.”

“Neither is Allison,” Ben said, giving her the stink eye. She pretended not to see it.

“But he’s off the hard stuff,” Luther said. “That’s progress.” 

“Sure.” 

“You didn’t see the worst of it,” Luther said. “He was even homeless at one point.” 

“He was? For how long?” 

“I don’t know,” Luther said. “He keeps most of the details to himself.” 

“Bet I can get it out of him,” Ben said. 

Luther shook his head. “It’s alright to let people keep some things to themselves, Ben.” 

“Right,” Ben said. “Sure.” 

“I mean it,” Luther said. “I know you mean well, but sometimes you need to just…” 

“Just what?” 

“Let people keep secrets,” Luther said. “Some secrets are harmless and they just… they’re just for the comfort of the person keeping the secret.” 

Ben thought of his own secret with Five. If everyone found out they liked to share a bed it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but it _was_ a comforting secret. 

“But some secrets aren’t harmless,” Ben said. “How am I supposed to tell the difference unless I _know_ what the secret is?”

“I guess you can’t.” 

Ben crossed his arms together. “Yeah, I guess not.” 

Luther tried to smile, but there was something bothering him. He just looked sad. 

“Are you okay?” Ben said. 

“Yeah.” 

“What are you think- um, you can tell me about it,” Ben said. “If you want to.” 

“Maybe another time,” Luther said. 

“Alriiiight,” Ben groaned. “I’ll respect your privacy, I _guess.”_

“Thank you.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"First, I want to make it clear that I'm not mad," Luther said. "You broke some stuff, but stuff is replaceable. It's okay." 

They were in Dad's office again, but this time Ben was in _trouble._ It felt weird, like being at the principal's office. 

Not that Ben had ever been to an actual school, but he'd read about them and this was the part where he would be threatened with expulsion. 

"And I understand why you're upset," Luther continued. "I'm glad that you isolated yourself to… to do that. That you broke _stuff_ instead of hurting someone." 

Instead of being expelled, the protagonist would get suspended. Then they would have to spend a couple weeks in angsty solitude. 

"Are you listening?" Luther said. 

"Yeah," Ben mumbled. 

Luther sighed. "Anyway, Vanya says it's healthy.” 

“Huh?” Ben said. “What’s healthy?” 

“Venting your anger,” Luther said. “And we can fix the roof. There’s no problem there. I just-”

“Wait, you already told Vanya?” 

Luther rubbed his chin. “No. Did you not want me to tell her?” 

Vanya would probably consider his tantrum relatable. 

Ben shrugged. “You can tell her, I guess.”

Luther clasped his hands together and frowned sternly. “Listen, even though I’m not mad I still wish you had picked a better place to let loose." 

"A better place?" 

"Ben, you could have been _crushed."_

"Oh. Right." 

When he'd unleashed the Horror in the attic, the roof had sort of caved in a little. 

"The Horror protects me though," Ben said. "I don't think it does it on purpose, but I'm always the safest person in the room when I use it." 

"No, you're not," Luther said. 

"I'm not?" 

Luther avoided his eyes. "You're not." 

As if a bucket of ice had been dumped over his head, the chilling realization made Ben shudder: _I died because of the Horror._

"You alright?" Luther said. 

"Y-yeah." 

_"You died during a mission,"_ everyone would say. They refused to say anything more on the subject.

"There has to be a safer way, is all I’m saying," Luther continued. "Maybe you could have used a different outlet? Like Diego with the punching bag." 

"I didn't think it through," Ben said. "I'm really sorry." 

"It's okay," Luther said. "But I want to know you'll be smart about these things while I'm gone. Do you get where I'm coming from?" 

"Yeah." Ben propped his elbows up on the desk, clasping his hands together the way Luther was doing. The gesture was grounding. 

_Why didn't you warn me?!_ Ben wanted to say. _Why didn't I know?!_

But he kept the questions to himself, for once. 

Luther reached out with his huge hand, grasping both of Ben's in one palm. 

"As soon as we've got Old Five you'll be the first person I call," Luther said. "And I'll keep calling. I'll keep you updated on every detail."

"I lost my phone," Ben mumbled. 

"Then I'll…" Luther trailed off, tilting his head. "Did you hear that?" 

Ben straightened up, straining his ears. 

Was it Five's voice? He was probably yelling at someone. 

"My hearing is still a little off," Ben said. "But I think I hear-" 

"Ben!" Five was shouting his name. He sounded a lot closer now. 

Ben and Luther both scrambled to their feet. 

"I'm in here!" Ben called. 

He strode toward the doors, but before he could pull them open Five teleported into the office and flung himself at Ben's back. 

"There you are!" Five hugged him tightly. 

"What's wrong?!" Ben tried to turn around to get a good look at him, but Five wouldn't budge. 

"It wasn't real," Five said. "It wasn't real." 

"What happened?" Luther said. "Did someone attack you?" 

Five loosened his hold enough for Ben to finally turn around. Ben made sure to hug him back. 

Five pressed his face against Ben's shoulder. "I wasn't attacked," he muttered. 

"Then what happened?" Ben said. 

He wished Five would let them see his face. 

"We can help," Luther said. "Whatever scared you-" 

"Hold _on,"_ Five said. "Wait a second." 

_Are you crying?_! Ben desperately wanted to ask, but he knew it wasn't something he could bring up in front of Luther. 

"Do you want to go to my room?" Ben said. 

"Hold _on."_ Five took a deep breath and tried to step away, but Ben tightened his hug. He didn't want to let Five go. 

Five huffed and teleported on top of Dad's desk. 

He cleared his throat and straightened out his shirt, turning to Luther. "Actually, it's good that you're here too."

Ben and Luther exchanged baffled looks. 

"It is?" Luther said. 

Five had fully composed himself. It was hard to believe he'd been freaking out just a second ago. 

"I've decided I should tell you," Five said. "In case it wasn't a hallucination." 

"Um." Luther was clearly at a loss. "Thank you?" 

"Why would you be hallucinating?" Ben said. 

Five shrugged. "That was my initial theory. But all theories are… well, they're theories." 

"What did you see?" Luther said. 

"The house was destroyed," Five said. 

Ben winced. The roof looked pretty rough from the outside. "Sorry, that was me." 

"What? No it wasn't." Five fidgeted on the desk, accidentally knocking off one of the folders. 

Luther didn't seem to mind. He was focused on Five's previous distress. "Didn't you recognize the sounds the Horror makes? I know it's scary, but it really was just Ben." 

Five shook his head. "I'm not talking about that. Jeez, I've heard the Horror plenty of times." 

"Then what-" 

"The house was _completely_ destroyed," Five said. "Like, bulldozed and missing walls kind of destroyed." 

That didn't make any sense. 

Luther thought so too. "But the house is fine?" 

"I _know,"_ Five said. "That's why I'm saying it might have been a hallucination." 

"Did you fall asleep while working on your equations?" Ben said. "Maybe it was a nightmare." 

Five pinched the bridge of his nose. "It was too vivid to be a nightmare." 

"Okay," Luther said. "Well, let's try to think this through. You saw the house destroyed. Was it like a vision? Maybe it's a new power." 

"It wasn't a vision," Five said. "I was there in the rubble. And everything was covered in ashes. As if there had been this enormous fire. A _city wide_ fire. Or world wide, potentially." 

Ben's eyes widened. "That sounds like…" 

"Like the apocalypse, yeah." Five crossed his arms together. "So you see the problem?"

"You time traveled again?" Luther said. "Did you catch the date while you were there?"

"That's the thing," Five said. "I _didn't."_

"You didn't," Ben echoed. 

"I was with Diego," Five said. "One second we're sparing in the training room and then all of a sudden he's gone and I'm buried under a ton of bricks." 

Ben winced, his own near suffocation under plaster and wood still fresh on his mind. 

But bricks were even worse. 

"So I blink outside," Five said. "And everything is _decimated._ There's no one around for miles." 

"Wait a minute," Ben said. "How long were you there?" 

"My watch was gone," Five said. "But I think it was a couple of hours." 

Luther walked back around the desk and sat down heavily. "Shit." 

Then, as an afterthought, Five added, "My clothes were different too. I was wearing a lot of leather. A hunting hat, Dad's old aviator goggles, stuff like that." 

"We should tell the older Five," Ben said. "This could be _bad."_

 _"Or_ it was a hallucination," Five said. "Maybe I internalized those stories about the apocalypse." 

"You said you were there for _hours,"_ Luther said. 

Five shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe it just felt that way." 

"How did you get back?" Ben said. 

"I didn't do anything," Five said. "I wanted to get all the facts straight before I tried a time jump, so I was exploring. Trying to piece together what had happened." 

"It just ended?" Luther said. "Everything randomly went back to normal?" 

"Essentially," Five said. "One second I'm walking around this barren landscape, the next I'm in the middle of traffic." 

Ben gasped. "You could have been run over!" 

Five waved this off. "My reflexes are great, I teleported before I got hit." 

"Five!" Diego's voice drifted in from the hallway. "Where the hell are you?!" 

Five rubbed at his eyes. "Great, he's gonna think I ditched him." 

"I'll tell him what happened," Luther said. "You want to take Ben and… and go cool off somewhere?" 

Five glared at him. "Why would I need to cool off?" 

_Because you've been traumatized,_ Ben thought. 

Diego started banging on the double doors. “I hear you in there!” he shouted. "Come out here, you little shit!"

"You know what?" Five said. "You're absolutely right, Luther. I should cool off before I murder that asshole." 

"You have enough juice to carry me through a portal with you?" Ben asked. 

"Of course." Five jumped off the desk and grabbed Ben by the elbow. "We can go to your room like you wanted." 

"Right, thanks." 

Having teleported with Five a handful of times already, Ben closed his eyes and braced himself for the disorientation. 

"You can open your eyes," Five said. "We're already here." 

Ben did so and watched Five gingerly stretch out on the bed. 

"Did you get hurt?" Ben said. "You're moving kind of stiffly." 

"No, I'm just tired," Five said. "I'm gonna take a nap." 

"Can I nap with you?" 

"It's _your_ bed," Five grumbled. "Feel free." 

Ben got into the bed with him and for once Five was the first one to reach out, throwing an arm around Ben's waist. 

Ben tried to think of something reassuring to say, but corny lines like "I'll always be here." or "I'll protect you." felt disingenuous. 

How _could_ Ben protect him from a reality where no one existed? In the apocalypse, he would be as dead as everyone else. 

"We'll figure this out," Ben finally said. "There has to be an explanation." 

"Of course," Five said. "Don't worry, I'll start working on it after my nap." 

"I'll help," Ben said. "We can work on it together?" 

"Sure." Five gave him a reassuring squeeze, then hesitantly added, "Um, I love you." 

"I love you too, Five." 

Five nuzzled his head against Ben’s neck and Ben was reminded of one of the cats at Cat Castle, who loved affection but only on her own terms. The orange tabby was unpredictable; when Ben tried to force a hug on her she would nimbly leap away, as indignant and offended as if he’d cursed her out. 

But when she was in the mood for it, she would contentedly sleep on his lap, or rub her head against him with all the love she could muster. 

And Ben knew it was the greatest privilege he would ever receive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's official. Full Memory Wipe won with 21 votes!
> 
> To the 14 people who voted for a Partial Memory Wipe: I am SO sorry. 
> 
> Next time on déjà fait: Angst. Just... just a lot of emotional angst.


	7. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for racial slurs. The term “gyspy” is now considered pejorative, but because Ben is from 2006 I don’t think he would know that. 
> 
> I looked into it and found that “the term 'Roma/Gypsies' was used for many years by the Council of Europe, before the decision was taken to no longer use it in official texts in 2005. The move was made principally because of objections by international Roma associations.”
> 
> Technically this happened before Ben skipped into the future, but I really don’t think it’s the kind of thing he would have been made immediately aware of? So I allowed him to use it in reference to a poem by Robert W. Service
> 
> I'm very sorry if the poem offends you, but I felt it was important to the narrative.

_As time goes on, you'll understand. What lasts, lasts; what doesn't, doesn't. Time solves most things. And what Time can't solve, you have to solve yourself._

_― Haruki Murakami_

  
  


It was strange, living without a strict schedule. Two days ago Ben was waking up at six am every single morning. His day was planned to the minute with training sessions and lessons. Foreign languages, mathematics, astronomy, ballroom dancing, experiments with the Horror and one on one sparring sessions with each of his siblings; every hour had been taken up by _something._ Even free time was carefully slotted into place, or hard won in exchange for sleep deprivation. 

Now all that stuff was gone, but it would be weird to complain. It’s not like Ben had _liked_ the schedule. 

“We kind of unofficially graduated when we turned eighteen,” Klaus said. “It was a few months after you kicked the bucket and Allison was like, ‘Dad will lose custody now! We can just leave. It’s _allowed.’_ So as soon as we hit October 1st we cleared the fuck outta here. Everyone but Luther.” 

“But where did you _go?”_ Ben said. 

Klaus blew a raspberry and shrugged. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Whenever Ben had a hard time getting answers from someone, he would call the older Five. The elder knew a lot about their siblings, despite his own years of absence.

“They each pursued their own interests,” Five said. “Allison went straight to California and Rumored her way into small bit parts; background characters and commercials. Vanya got a scholarship with the Manhattan School of Music, Diego enrolled in the Police Academy, and Klaus… I think he just couch surfed with his... friends.” 

Five said _friends_ in a way that verbally voiced his disdain. Ben could picture exactly what kind of friends Klaus would have had at that point. It was just _last week,_ for Ben, that Klaus had described being invited to a house party where he was offered cocaine for the first time. 

“That makes sense,” Ben said. “But then how did Diego end up at Al’s Gym?” 

“He got kicked out of the Police Academy,” Five said. “I’m not clear on the details in between.” 

“Aw, that must have crushed him,” Ben said. 

“I suppose,” Five said. 

There was an awkward pause. Ben realized Five wasn’t going to say anything else, so he scrambled for a way to keep the conversation going. 

“Uh, well, it’s nice to have free time now,” Ben said. “I had a bunch of books I’ve been meaning to read. And they’re still here! They got moved to the library, but Mom helped me find everything I wanted.” 

“That’s good,” Five said. “What did you start with?” 

“Well, I kind of fell down a black hole with Joyce Carol Oates,” Ben said. “You know she’s published _thirteen_ novels in thirteen years?! And that’s not counting all her short stories and essays! That woman is a maniac.”

“She’s very impressive,” Five said.

“As soon as I found out I kind of ignored my To Read pile,” Ben said. “Because I had to know what the heck was going on with Oates.”

“But she’s always had a large output,” Five said. “Hasn’t she published a novel per year since her debut?”

“Not _every_ year,” Ben said. “Wasn’t it more like… like every other year?” 

“You would know better than I do,” Five said. 

“I’ll Google it,” Ben said. “I’ve been Googling like crazy. I already looked at her bibliography, but there’s so much information I can’t keep it straight in my head. So I’ll Google it again.” 

“Alright,” Five said. “Listen, I’m getting another call.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Okay, you should probably answer that.”

“Goodbye,” Five said. 

Ben hated the way phone calls just ended in silence. These smart phones needed to bring back the dial tone sound effect. 

“I said goodbye,” Five said.

“Oh!” Ben said. “I thought you had already left.”

“I was waiting for _you_ to say goodbye,” Five said. “Hmm, I think I missed that other call.” 

“Sorry,” Ben said. “You can hang up and call them back?” 

“I’ll do that,” Five said. 

“Okay,” Ben said. “Um, bye.” 

“Goodbye,” Five repeated. 

This time Ben made sure to check the screen to see if Five had really hung up. 

He had. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Mom was showing him how to make mashed potatoes. First they took a huge pile of potatoes and individually peeled them, then they took this thingy that kind of looked like a spaghetti strainer, but flat and with a handle, and they crushed each potato into pulpy goodness.

“This next part is harder,” Mom said. “We need to achieve the perfect balance of salt and butter and carefully mix it in.” 

Ben was already salivating, but he did his best to patiently follow her instructions. “They look. So. Good!” 

“I bought extra potatoes just for you,” Mom said. “I know they’re your favorite.” 

“You’re the best,” Ben said. “Maaaan, you have been spoiling me like crazy.” 

“Because I love you,” Mom said. 

“I love you too.” 

She wasn’t the only one who had been spoiling him, but Ben had noticed everyone else sort of scrambling to come up with things. They would take him on outings, invite him to help them on errands, and generally stare at him as if he had just come back from the dead. They seemed as baffled by his presence as he was by their age. 

“Hey Mom?” 

“What is it, dear?” 

“How come you weren’t surprised to see me? When I first got here.” 

“I knew you would come back,” Mom said. 

“But you were ready to answer the door for me as if you knew _when_ I would come back.”

"Because I did know." Mom said. "The night you disappeared Five appeared to me and gave me the exact date of your return." 

"Oh," Ben said. "I thought… I didn't know he would tell you. He said we shouldn't tell anyone. That you guys wouldn't remember." 

"Yes, he explained how things would look different to your siblings come 2019. That they would be changed by their travels." 

"Changed? What do you mean?" 

"It was a very small change," Mom said. "Just that one little thing. They grieved you, sweetie, but they also had hope. Hope that you had left on purpose, perhaps to find Five, and hope that they would see you again some day. But then that was replaced by knowledge of your death." 

Ben frowned. That's not the way Five had explained it. 

"Do you mind finishing without me?" Ben said. "I need to… make a phone call." 

"I don't mind at all," Mom said. "Go on." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"You said they wouldn't remember my disappearance," Ben said. "But they _did._ Mom remembers them remembering." 

"You've got it backwards," Five said. "Mom thinks their memories changed, but it was _her_ memories that changed. Hers and everyone else's. Everyone _but_ them." 

"But she says they thought-"

"That's just her distorted memory," Five said. "When you time travel you change the reality of everyone _in_ Time. She's the only one of us that remained anchored to Time, so she witnessed a plausible version of the family in her head, a version that reacted to your disappearance, because the real version would contradict her new reality." 

"But isn't her version the _real_ version?" Ben said. "Since I didn't die?" 

Ben wished he could _see_ this older Five. Just hearing his voice over the phone, Ben couldn't see what he might be emoting. 

And when silence stretched between them, he couldn't be sure Five was even _there._

"Hello?" Ben said. 

"You're not… wrong," Five finally said. "But-"

"And I just _left_ them like that?!" Ben hated the idea of it. "Wondering what had happened to me with no explanation for _years?"_

"If you would just look at it logically-"

"I _am_ being logical!" Ben snapped. "It happened. They experienced it. You can't say they didn't." 

"But it was overwritten," Five insisted. "And the new memory is the worse one anyway." 

"But dying is something you can't control," Ben said. "Leaving is worse than dying. Leaving is a choice and they would have resented me for it." 

"Leaving is _not_ worse than dying," Five growled. "Nothing is worse than death." 

Ben swallowed. This version of Five had lost everyone. He'd been the last man alive for longer than Ben had _been_ alive. It was something he had almost forgotten. 

"I'm hanging up," Five said. 

"Wait! I'm sorry. You're right… Five?" 

Five had already hung up. 

"I'm sorry," Ben repeated, uselessly.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He decided to leave Old Five alone for a bit. Let him cool off, or whatever. Vanya said that was the smart thing to do. 

When Ben finally called him back, Five acted as if nothing had happened. 

“How are you?” Five said. 

“Um, I’m good,” Ben said. “How are _you?”_

“I’m good,” Five said. 

_Shit, shit, shit,_ Ben thought. _This conversation is deader than dead. It’s a zombie without a jaw._

“Hello?” Five said. 

“I’m glad you’re good.” Ben wanted to _die,_ he wanted to dig his own grave and lie in it. 

“Thanks,” Five said, sardonically. “Did you need something?” 

“No,” Ben said. “I mean, yes! I do need something.” 

“Out with it, then.” 

“I need to apologize,” Ben said. “I’m very very stupid and very sorry about it.” 

“You’re not stupid,” Five said. “We can disagree, it’s not the end of the world.” 

“I don’t want to disagree,” Ben said. “You were absolutely right about everything and you always will be.” 

“Ben, you don’t have to stroke my ego,” Five said. “I’m not the child you remember.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. “But you _were_ right about… about death being, uh, being worse than leaving.” 

“Maybe,” Five said. “But I can understand why you would grow to resent me.” 

**_Ouch._ ** Forget lying in a grave, Ben wanted to hurl himself to the moon. He wanted to strand himself there and unleash the Horror. Watch it flail helplessly in zero gravity and suffocate to death. 

“Ben?” 

“I don’t resent you,” Ben murmured. 

“It’s alright,” Five said. “I know I… I abandoned you. All of you, but you and Vanya especially.” 

“You didn’t _mean_ to!” 

“I didn’t mean to,” Five agreed. “But I did. So I’d like to apologize too.” 

“What if neither of us apologizes?” Ben said. “What if we just…” 

“Just what?” Five said. “What’s wrong with apologizing?” 

“It feels unfair,” Ben said. “You don’t deserve it.” 

“I don’t see what you’re getting at.” 

“You didn’t deserve all that resentment,” Ben explained. “Everyone was so angry! Especially Diego, he was always bad mouthing you for leaving. He would say all these horrible things about you.” 

“I see,” Five said. 

“But the whole time you were all alone,” Ben said. “You were alone and you were in danger and… and you could have starved to death!” 

“Who told you that?” Five said. 

“Klaus did. He said you were surviving on cockroaches and expired twinkies.” 

“He exaggerated,” Five said. 

“Did he? He said _you_ said-”

“Then I’m the one who exaggerated!” Five snapped. “Just forget the whole thing, just-”

“No,” Ben said. “I don’t want to forget it. I feel terrible about it.” 

“What good does that do?” Five said. “It’s over and done with.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Five didn’t say anything to that, but Ben waited patiently for a response. 

Finally, Five said, “You should talk to Vanya about this.” 

“What? Why?” 

“She would know what to tell you,” Five said. “I don’t have… I’m not…” 

“I’ll talk to her,” Ben said. “If that makes you feel better.” 

“Good.” 

“But I think you’re misunderstanding me.” 

“No, _you’re_ misunderstanding _me,”_ Five said. “All of you! Ever since I… goddammit. There’s no point in talking about these things.” 

“No, you can say it,” Ben said. “What were you going to say?” 

“Nevermind,” Five said. 

“Please,” Ben said. “I’m your vault, remember?” 

It was a running joke between them. Ben couldn’t remember who’d said it first or why, but it started when they were _little._ Really little and really angry. The why and what didn’t matter, but Five had treated Ben like a Catholic Priest, a confidant that was sworn to secrecy, and Ben had treated Five the same. 

_“This is for the vault,”_ they would say, and lock away the things shared between them. 

“Wow,” Five said. “How nostalgic.” 

“This is for the vault,” Ben said. “Say what you need to say.” 

“Alright,” Five said. “You know I was alone for years. Isolation like that, it muddles the mind.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. 

“I had a companion while I was there,” Five said. “But she wasn’t real. I _know_ she wasn’t real, but she felt real.” 

Ben blinked. “Oh. Okay.” 

“We didn’t agree on everything,” Five said. “But even when we disagreed, there was never any confusion between us. She always knew exactly what I meant and I always knew exactly what _she_ meant. It wasn’t a perfect relationship by any means, but at least we had that.” 

“So you miss it?” Ben said. “The clarity?” 

“Yes,” Five said. “Talking to real people feels like speaking a foreign language. No matter how long I practice, I’ll never be fluent.”

“That sucks,” Ben said.

“Anyway, Vanya will speak your language,” Five said. “So she can help you.” 

“Help me with what?” Ben said. 

“You said you feel terrible,” Five said. “Maybe she can fix it.” 

Ben chuckled. _“Five,_ no one has to fix it!” 

“What?” 

“It’s just a feeling,” Ben said. “Like, yeah I feel guilty, but I know it’s silly. It’s just one of those feelings that gets stuck and you have to bury it under other feelings.” 

“Vanya would say that _that_ is not the healthy way to deal with it,” Five said. 

Ben grinned. “She totally would, huh? All that therapy stuff.” 

“Yes,” Five said. “And I think it’s doing her some good.” 

“Diego says it’s bullshit.” 

“Yeah, well, Diego’s an idiot.” 

Ben was grinning so widely it was starting to give him a headache. Interactions with Five, with both Fives, always seemed to trigger this intense _giddiness._ Almost like an artificial high.

 _A dopamine rush,_ Vanya said, when he described it to her. 

“I’m going to hang up now,” Five said. “That alright?” 

Five was always the one to end their conversations. It caught Ben off guard every single time. And it was depressing because Five never called first, he just responded to calls. 

Did Five even _want_ to talk? Was he just tolerating these conversations? He probably found them exhausting. A foreign language, it sounded like one big headache. 

“That’s alright,” Ben said. “Um, have a good day.” 

“You too,” Five said. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” 

And that was it. Old Five was gone again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ben was _pissed._ He took his phone up to the attic so he could yell at Five without being overheard.

“How could you leave _again?!”_ Ben shouted. 

“I’m sorry,” Five said. “But it had to be done.” 

“You said I could visit you whenever I wanted! You said you would stay with Allison!” 

“I lied,” Five said. “I’m sorry.” 

“Why did you lie?” Ben said. “Where are you going?” 

“I’m not going anywhere in particular,” Five said. “I just needed to leave before Allison got back from New York.” 

“Because of those stupid time travelers?” Ben said.

“Those stupid time travelers have impressive technology,” Five said. “They call it the Infinite Switchboard.” 

“But… but you said you would stay.” Even as he spoke, Ben knew he sounded like a petulant toddler, but he couldn’t stop himself. “You said you would _stay._ You can’t leave again. You can’t leave _on purpose.”_

“It’s simple math,” Five said. “I don’t belong and never did.” 

“Bullshit! I don’t belong either, so why do _I_ get to stay, huh? What’s stopping those time travelers from coming after me? Or the other Five?” 

“They won’t come after you,” Five said. “It’s not the same.”

“Why not?!” 

“I wish I could explain,” Five said. 

“Then explain!” 

“It would go over your head,” Five said. “I don’t have a metaphor for this.” 

Metaphors had always been Five’s favorite way of explaining complex theorems or emotions.

“Then come up with one,” Ben said. 

“Alright,” Five said. “I’ll try to do that, but in the meantime you’ll have to trust that I’m doing what’s best for the family.”

“I _won’t_ trust that,” Ben said. 

“That’s your prerogative, I suppose.” 

“God fucking dammit,” Ben muttered. “You really are cursed with gypsy blood.” 

“I beg your pardon?” 

“Nevermind,” Ben huffed. 

“A nomadic people,” Five said. “I suppose I can see the comparison.” 

“It’s a line from this stupid poem.” 

“A poem? Did you memorize it?” 

“Huh? Yeah.” Ben could feel his anger draining away and was surprised by it. Was it because Five refused to properly defend himself? Or the fact that nothing had noticeably changed?

“Would you recite it for me?” 

Ben swallowed. “Sure, I guess. It’s just… it’s a poem that’s always reminded me of you.” 

“I’d like to hear it.” 

“Okay.” Ben cleared his throat. _“There’s a race of men that don’t fit in. A race that can’t sit still; so they break the hearts of kith and kin, and roam the world at will.”_

Ben paused, feeling embarrassed. 

“Go on,” Five said. 

_“They range the field and rove the flood,”_ Ben continued. _“And they climb the mountain’s crest; theirs is the curse of the gypsy blood, and they don’t know how to rest.”_

Ben cleared his throat again. “That’s it, that’s the poem.” 

“I see,” Five said. “It’s certainly fitting.” 

“I used to picture you as this epic explorer,” Ben said. “I thought you were out on an adventure. I admired it, but I wished you had taken me with you.”

“I would gladly bring you with me if I could,” Five said. 

“Why can’t you?” Ben said. “Tell me where you are and I can get on a bus-”

 _“No,_ Ben,” Five said. “I will not take you away from your home.” 

“But-”

“I won’t discuss this any further,” Five said. “I’m hanging up.”

“Fuck you!” Ben said. “You’re always hanging up! This time _I’m_ hanging up!” 

Ben pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at the red End Call button, but before he could actually bring himself to press it, Five hung up. 

He wanted to _scream._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Liars. This house was full of _liars._

“Why didn’t you tell me they want to _kidnap_ you?!”

“That’s just a theory,” Five said. “If you would calm down-”

“You used to tell me all of your theories!” Ben said. “Now you’re telling everyone _but_ me?” 

“I didn’t tell _everyone.”_

“You should have told _me,”_ Ben said. “I’m the vault!”

“I knew it would upset you,” Five said. “I wanted to avoid this.” 

“Great,” Ben said. “That’s just great, so you were going to disappear without a word and let someone _else_ tell me that I won’t see you again for _thirty years.”_

“I’m _not_ going to disappear,” Five growled. “If anyone from the Commission comes near me they’re _dead.”_

“You’re not a one man army!” Ben said. “You should let us protect you!” 

“I wanted you to live your life in peace,” Five said. “I wanted-”

“What about what _I_ want?” 

“I don’t know what you expect me to say here,” Five said. “I’m sorry, alright? I’ll repeat it as many times as you need.” 

“I expect you to say you’ll come back,” Ben said. “Or that you’ll let me go with you.” 

“What about the child Five?” Five said. “You’ll abandon him?” 

“That’s not fair.”

“He loves you,” Five said. “He _needs_ you.” 

“I need him too,” Ben said. “But I also need _you.”_

“No,” Five said. “I’m superfluous.” 

“No, you aren’t!”

“I’m a goddamn redundancy,” Five said. “A clerical error in the fabric of time and space.”

 _“What?!”_ Ben said. “Is that what you think?”

“It’s what I _know.”_

“You’re wrong.” 

“Let’s agree to disagree,” Five said. 

“But I love you just as much as I love him!” Ben said. “I love you so much it fucking _hurts.”_

“I love you too,” Five said. “That’s why I have to do this. I won’t put you at risk.” 

“What if I want to put myself at risk?” Ben said. “Shouldn’t that be my choice?” 

_“Listen_ to me,” Five said. “You have a responsibility to the rest of our family. Do you realize how much it would torment them to hear you say something like that?” 

“Fine, but what if you’re wrong?” Ben said. “What if it’s all in your head?” 

“What if _what_ is all in my head?” 

“The _danger,”_ Ben said. “The Commission, what if they never show up? What if you’re leaving us for nothing?” 

“I would be perfectly happy with it, if that were true,” Five said. “But the probabilities-” 

“You can’t keep making decisions based on probabilities!” 

“I can and I will,” Five said. 

“But-”

“I’m done talking about this.”

“Don’t you _dare_ hang up on me!” 

“Fine,” Five said. “You hang up.” 

“No.” 

“We’re talking in circles.”

“I don’t care.” 

“At some point, you’ll understand,” Five said. “Maybe when you’re older.” 

“No.” 

“Fine.”

 _“Fine,”_ Ben spat. “Fine, I’ll stop torturing you! Go ahead and hang up, go back to your adventure, go back to your- your special companion that can read your mind and understand you in that perfect way that I never could!” 

_“Ben,”_ Five said. “Don’t do that.” 

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t resent me.” 

“I can and I will!” 

“Touché.” 

“I’m serious,” Ben said. “Hang up already. You’ve got my permission.” 

“I won’t hang up.” 

“I won’t hang up either.” 

“Then we’ve reached an impasse,” Five said. “Listen, can you do me a favor?” 

“That depends,” Ben said. “What kind of favor?” 

“Will you read something?” Five said. “From one of your books.” 

Talking to Five was like walking through a minefield, but instead of lethal bombs the ground was rigged with _nostalgia_ bombs. They would hit Ben unexpectedly, flooding him with memories. 

How many times had he read to Five and Vanya when she needed a break from playing the violin? How many times had he read just for Five, because Five couldn’t sleep? 

And how many more times would he get the chance with _this_ Five?

“Which book?” Ben said. 

“One of the new Best Americans,” Five said. “Do you have a favorite story yet?” 

“Yeah,” Ben said. “There’s this one about a woman who’s trapped in this virtual reality. And she meets this guy who she really wants to see again, but because everything keeps glitching it takes her years to find him.” 

“Great,” Five said. “Read that one.” 

“Um, I’ll have to go get it from my room,” Ben said. “I’m in the attic right now.” 

“Why the attic?” 

“For privacy,” Ben said. “No one comes up here, so I started using it for phone calls.” 

“Smart,” Five said. “Do you want to hang up and call me back when you’ve collected your book?” 

“NO! I mean, no, I can just...” Ben hoped he didn’t sound like a crazy person. “I’ll run down real quick, okay? Just stay on the call.” 

“Alright,” Five said. “I’ll stay on.” 

“Thanks.” 

Ben made the awkward trip with his phone pressed against his ear. “You’re still there?”

“I’m still here,” Five said. “Take your time.” 

“You’ll always answer when I call you, right?” Ben said. “No matter where you go?” 

“I’ll always answer,” Five said. 

“Okay, good,” Ben said. “That’s good.” 

When he finally made it to his room, Ben found the book they’d been talking about and turned to his favorite story. The page was dog-eared so he could return to it. 

“Are you somewhere comfortable?” Ben said. “I’m going to start reading.” 

“I’m in a hotel room, at the moment,” Five said. “I wasn’t able to pay for it, because I look like a minor, but there were so many unused rooms I didn’t think they would notice.” 

“That’s good,” Ben said. “I’m glad you’ve got a bed to sleep on, and stuff.”

“It beats cardboard,” Five said. 

Ben flinched. _I’m not going to ask,_ he told himself. _Not. Going. To ask._

“I thought you were going to start?” Five said. 

“I am,” Ben said. “Here I go.” 

It was difficult holding onto the phone and the book at the same time, but eventually Ben figured out he could put the phone on speaker and set it down close by. When he did that the whole operation went a lot smoother, and Ben was able to read the entire short story in one sitting.

When it was over, Five said this, “I like talking to you, Ben. Don’t fool yourself into thinking otherwise. The reason I hang up is that I’m trying to keep on the move. An unaccompanied minor can’t stay in one place for long without attracting attention.” 

“That, uh, that makes a lot of sense,” Ben said. 

“Not only that, but I’m constantly juggling phone calls from the rest of our siblings,” Five said. “I had to ignore three such calls over the course of this conversation.” 

“Shit, really? You should call them back.”

“I should,” Five agreed. “But will you be alright? Have you calmed down?” 

“I’m calm,” Ben said. “And whoever was calling you is probably freaking out right now.” 

“I hope not,” Five said. “But I’m noticing you’re all very… tense, in the face of my absence.”

“Of course we’re tense!” Ben said. “You traumatized us by running away from home when we were thirteen!” 

“And it was the single worst decision I’ve ever made,” Five said. “But also the best one, because it allowed me to save the world.” 

Ben groaned. 

“In any case,” Five said. “I’ll try to be more understanding.” 

“You’re _so_ generous.” 

“Uh huh,” Five said. “Goodbye, then.” 

“I’ll talk to you later,” Ben said. “Bye.”

This time, Ben beat Five to the End Call button. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"I know you'll find this hard to believe," Five said. "But that glimpse at the Apocalypse was a good sign." 

The younger Five had put his phone on speaker so Ben could listen in on their conversation. 

"Elaborate," Young Five said. 

In the end, Young Five didn't need to describe his experience to his elder. They'd both seen the same thing, at the same time. Albeit, from different sides of the continent.

"We were only there for a few hours," Old Five said. "I'll admit, I _was_ alarmed. However, the timeline reverted itself with no action taken on my part." 

"You say that like it's a good thing!" Young Five said. "I think that makes it creepier." 

"It _is_ a good thing," Old Five said. "It means the _Commission_ fixed it." 

"But what _caused_ it?" Young Five said. 

"Honestly? Also them, probably," Five said. "They must have poked around where they shouldn't have and triggered it." 

"Wow," Ben said. "If that's true that's, um, that's alarming."

"No, it's very good," Five said. "Because they went out of their way to reverse it. This shows that they're invested in humanity. They want to see it flourish, or at least progress beyond its original expiration date." 

"Expiration date?" Young Five said.

"Originally, the Commission allowed the world to end," Old Five explained. "They said it had to happen." 

"Why?" Young Five said. 

"I don't know." 

"Why would they change their minds, then?" 

"They didn't," Old Five said. "The people who made that decision were killed and the surviving employees have reshaped the organization. I'd hoped for an altruistic outlook from them, but it's nice to see it confirmed." 

Ben latched onto this bit of news like a fish to a hook. "If they're good now, doesn't that mean they won't want to bother you?" 

The younger Five next to him sighed, as if he already knew what his doppelganger's response would be. 

"Not necessarily," Old Five said. "What's good for humanity isn't automatically good for _me._ The opposite is more likely." 

Ben sagged. "Oh." 

"Here's what _I_ want to know," Young Five said. "Will this happen again? If it does, what should I do if they don't or can't fix it?" 

"Good question," Old Five said. "If it does happen again, you should wait at least two nights to make sure it really is permanent. Otherwise you'll be time traveling for no reason and our siblings will be alarmed by your disappearance." 

Ben gulped. 

"Alright," Young Five said. "And you'll do the same?" 

"Yes," Five said. "I also think, if those two nights pass us by, that we should stay together." 

"Together?" Young Five said. "We couldn't be farther apart." 

"I mean we should stay in the same _year,"_ Old Five said. "We'll have to go backwards, obviously, but we should pick a mutual meeting ground. A time where technology is advanced enough for us to easily communicate from a distance." 

"But after 2002," Young Five said. "I'd hate to deal with three of us." 

"Of course." 

"And before 2006," Ben added. "So that you can come home and get help from me and everyone?" 

_But especially me,_ Ben thought. He hated the idea that either of the Fives might go home while he wasn’t there to see them. 

Five gave his shoulder a squeeze, "Sure." 

Over the phone, the older Five was silent. 

"Between 2002 and 2006," Young Five said. "I won't budge on that." 

"Alright," Old Five said. "2005, then." 

"Month?" 

"Give me some time to review the probabilities," Old Five said. 

"No," Young Five said. "For all I know, we'll get shunted back to the Apocalypse at any second. We need to establish a rendezvous _now."_

"It's not like you have the precision to control what month you would land in," Old Five said. "I bet you can't even control the year." 

"Pot meet kettle!" Young Five snapped. 

"I'm going to send you a briefcase," Old Five said. "That'll take time too, so-" 

"Shut up," Young Five said. "Just pick a month." 

_This whole conversation is giving me a heart attack,_ Ben thought. _Any second now I'm going to faint like a Victorian character._

"Then you pick," Old Five said. "Since it's arbitrary." 

"Fine," Young Five said. "March, 2005." 

"It's settled," Old Five said. "But I don't think we need to worry." 

"Yeah, yeah." Young Five nudged Ben. "Is there anything you want to add?" 

Ben shook his head. 

"We're done, then," Young Five said. "You can go back to whatever you were doing." 

"Alright," Old Five said. "But I meant what I said. This is a really good sign. An overall net positive."

"That remains to be seen," Young Five said. 

"Fair enough," Old Five said. "So are you hanging up, or should I?" 

"I'll do it," Young Five said. "Bye." 

"Bye, Five," Ben added. "Um, I love you." 

For some reason, it was harder to get those words out with the older Five. 

"I love you too," Old Five said. "Stay safe." 

And the younger Five hung up with a huff. 

"That guy is such an asshole!" Five burst out. 

"He is?" Ben said. 

"He's a condescending _prick,"_ Five seethed. 

Ben laughed. "That's exactly how everyone who talks to _you_ feels. To either of you." 

"Shit." Five glared at him. "But I'm nice to _you."_

"You _are_ nice to me," Ben agreed. "And I love you for it." 

Five sighed. "I love you too." 

"Sorry," Ben said. "Are you frustrated?" 

"Aren't you?" 

"Well, yeah," Ben said. "But I'm also kind of happy?”

 _Because you’re hilariously adorable,_ Ben thought, but he knew he couldn’t say _that._

Five frowned at him, puzzled.

“Sorry,” Ben said. “My moods have been all over the place." 

"You're not high or anything, right?" Five said. "Klaus is always high and he goes from manic laughter to dramatic sulking at the drop of a hat." 

"No, I'm just… a lot has happened." 

"Whatever," Five said. "I'm going back to bed and I'm not getting up unless the world ends." 

"You're joking," Ben said. "You _just_ took a nap." 

Five threw his hands up. "I'm taking another one! Sue me, kick me, smother me with your books, whatever you do I refuse to leave this bed for the foreseeable future." 

And Five pulled the comforter over his head to emphasize his point. 

Ben smiled at his antics. The way Five usually spoke made it hard to remember, but he really was a kid. 

"Okay," Ben said. "While you're sleeping, is it okay if I read out loud?" 

_"Yes,"_ Five said, emphatically. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


As promised, Luther kept him updated on the situation with Old Five. But he had to call through Young Five’s phone because the cat phone case had _not_ protected Ben’s from the destructive force of the Horror. 

Young Five gave him privacy for the call though and Ben paced around the cluttered ballroom while listening to Luther’s description of events. 

“So they thought I was abusing him,” Luther said. “I couldn’t even blame them. From their point of view they see this poor kid running for his life and then they see _me_ chasing after him…” 

“That sucks though,” Ben said. "They shouldn't judge you just because you're big."

“Anyway, the paramedics said he had symptoms of oxygen deprivation,” Luther said. “He was also dehydrated and overall exhausted, so of course he passed out.” 

“Did they take him to a hospital?” Ben said. 

“Allison wouldn’t let them,” Luther said. “She was paranoid that the authorities would be called. She said the whole incident would look really bad and that we might lose him for good. Like, we would be considered child abusers and never be allowed to have custody of him.”

“So she Rumored the paramedics?” 

“She Rumored _everybody,”_ Luther said. “Like, she did a sort of ‘this never happened’ kind of blanket rumor. So that none of them would remember Five or be worried about him.”

“Damn,” Ben said. “But is Five okay?” 

“She made Patrick take a look at him.”

“Who?”

“Claire’s dad.”

“Oh.”

“And she put Five in a sort of trance,” Luther said. “It kept him awake but sort of zoned out? The whole thing made me really nervous, but she said she had to do it so they could make sure he didn’t have a concussion and make him drink gatorade and stuff like that.” 

“Is Claire’s dad a doctor?” 

“Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“He’s a dentist.” 

“That doesn’t count!” 

“Dentists learn the medical basics,” Luther said. “So he checked Five out. Said Five doesn’t have a concussion. His health isn’t in jeopardy or anything. He was just really, really tired and he needed electrolytes and… and sleep.” 

“So he’s asleep right now?”

“Yeah,” Luther said. “Allison is keeping an eye on him. We’ve been taking turns.” 

“That’s good.” Still pacing around the ballroom, Ben nearly tripped over something and bent down to examine it. It was a weird belt looking thing, with a cylinder sticking out of it.

Luther kept talking, but Ben was thoroughly distracted by this mysterious finding. He examined the cylinder and realized it was a type of dildo.

_A strap on! Groooooss._

“Klaus is disgusting!”

“Huh?” 

“All his stupid junk in the ballroom,” Ben said. “He’s such a pervert.” 

“Oh,” Luther said. “Do you want me to tell him to clear it out?” 

“Even if you do, it’s not like he _would,”_ Ben said. “And this stuff is too gross to be touched. I need to burn it with fire.” 

“Please don’t set the house on fire,” Luther said.

“Fiiine.” 

“Anyway, there’s something else,” Luther said. “Something… big.”

“What is it?” 

“Before I tell you,” Luther said. “you need to know that not even _Allison_ knows this yet. Five says he wants to break it to her carefully. Or, uh, ask her carefully. So you can’t tell anyone else yet, because the situation is, uh, it’s delicate.” 

“Then why are you telling me first?” 

“Because I said I would keep you updated,” Luther said. “This isn’t a secret, by the way, we’re going to tell everyone. We’ll have a family meeting, but they get hectic and you don’t always get the chance to talk during them, so I wanted to give you a head start? So that you can process the situation.” 

“Thanks,” Ben said. “Okay, I won’t tell anyone until the family meeting.” 

“I would appreciate it,” Luther said. “So Five has a theory. About the paradox.” 

“Okay…” 

“He says the biggest problem is his memory,” Luther said. “He says that, most of the time, it isn’t a big deal if there are differences. Like how we all remember that you died even though you didn’t die? And he said Mom even saw how our memories changed.”

“Yeah, she told me about that.” 

“Five calls it the Mandela Effect,” Luther said. “It’s a time traveler thing.” 

“Okaaaay,” Ben said. “What’s the problem, then?”

“So the thing is,” Luther said. “Memories are the foundation of the ego. The, uh, identity of a person.” 

“I’m with you so far.” 

“Most memories are small and losing them isn’t a big deal,” Luther said. “Or even if they’re big, like how it was really big when we lost you, if the replacement memory is similar enough to the lost memory then the individual stays the same. That’s why we’re all the same even though Five saved you. He, uh, he maintained our continuity by doing things the way he did.”

Ben frowned. 

“Still with me?” Luther said. 

“I think so.” 

“Okay,” Luther said. “So the reason there’s a paradox is because we prevented the Apocalypse. When we did that we broke Five’s continuity.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means that there’s not enough in common between both of the Fives,” Luther said. “Since young Five is going to grow up more normally. His psychology is going to be different than the older Five’s.”

“But what does that _mean?”_ Ben’s voice cracked. “Is… is Five going to die?” 

“No, no, no,” Luther said. “He’s not going to die.” 

“Then what’s going to happen?” 

“He thinks the Commission will want to fix it,” Luther said. “But he says they might be giving him the chance to fix it himself? That’s his new theory.”

“How is he going to fix it himself?” 

“He’s going to ask Allison to give him amnesia.” 

_“What?”_

“I know,” Luther said. “I’m sorry.” 

“You _know?_ What do you _know?!”_

“I know how you feel,” Luther said. “It’s horrible, because it means he’ll be… he’ll be sort of gone. But he won’t be gone! He’ll be safe.” 

“She won’t do it,” Ben said. “There’s no way she’ll do it.” 

“I hope she will,” Luther said. 

“How could you want that?!” 

“Because he deserves a second chance!” Luther said. “After everything he’s been through he deserves a healthy life. I didn’t like the idea at first, but I’ve had some time to think about it-”

“Fuck you!” Ben said. “We can give him a healthy life without erasing him!”

“Can we?” Luther said. “There are things about the older Five that you don’t know, Ben. Things you haven’t seen.” 

“What things?” 

“He was alone for such a long time,” Luther said. “It changed him. It hurt him.” 

“But he’s fine now,” Ben said, desperately. “He’s… he’s…” 

“It didn’t really click for me until I saw the younger Five,” Luther said. “Then I was able to see the differences.” 

“That’s just because the older Five grew up!” Ben said. “He matured and he-”

“He talks to himself,” Luther said. “He hears _voices,_ Ben.” 

_She wasn’t real and I know she wasn’t real,_ Five had said. _But she felt real._

“So?” Ben said. “Is that so wrong?” 

“Diego thinks he’s an alcoholic,” Luther said. “Vanya says he has PTSD.”

“You could say the same things about Klaus!” Ben said. “We going to erase him too?”

“It’s not just that,” Luther said. “It’s hard to explain, but Five is very… he has a hard time relating to people? He tries, but talking to him is like…”

_Talking to real people feels like speaking a foreign language._

“But…” Ben floundered for an excuse, a way to contradict what Luther was saying, but instead his stupid brain was coming up with examples that supported Luther’s assessment. 

“At the end of the day,” Luther said. “it’s between Five and Allison. Whatever they decide to do, I’m going to support it.”

“I’m _not_ going to support it,” Ben said. 

“That’s okay,” Luther said. “You don’t have to, but-”

“I’ve heard enough,” Ben said. “I think I want to hang up now.” 

“Okay,” Luther said. “Will you keep this to yourself for a little bit? Can you do that?”

“I said I would.” 

“Alright,” Luther said. “Thank you.” 

“Goodbye.” 

“Good-”

Ben hung up. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The family meeting was more chaotic than usual, but for once Diego wasn’t doing the yelling.

It was Klaus and Old Five.

“I’ll go to the future _with_ you!” Klaus shouted. “And so will Ben, won’t you Ben?” 

Before Ben could answer, Old Five was cussing Klaus out. Then he said, “The future was never an option, you moron! The other Five will still _be_ there, there will still be two of us!” 

Allison and Luther were no longer visible on screen. Ben didn’t know if they had walked away or if they were still sitting next to Five, but Five had leaned into the frame. “I only said that to calm Diego down!” 

“You little bastard!” Klaus shrieked. “You conniving little bastard!” 

Ben glanced at Diego, but he wasn’t reacting. He was just sitting there, looking dazed. 

Vanya tried to say something, but Ben couldn’t hear her. Neither Five nor Klaus took notice. 

“This is the only way to solve it!” Five said.

The younger Five had already left the room. Ben wasn’t surprised when Vanya finally stood up and walked out, too. 

_“No,”_ Klaus said. “No!” 

_“Yes,”_ Five said. “I don’t fit anymore. Five Hargreeves has a different life now. A better life.” 

_“You_ are Five Hargreeves!” 

“Not anymore,” Five said. “I’m like a mutation.” 

“No, you aren’t!” 

Ben put his head in his hands. 

“I. Do. Not. Belong,” Five said. “It’s _math.”_

“It’s _bullshit!”_

 _“You’re_ bullshit!” 

They kept on like that for what felt like hours. Until Luther took the laptop away from Old Five. 

“This is all very upsetting,” Luther said. “I understand that.” 

“Fuck you!” Klaus said. 

“But I think-”

“Shut up,” Diego said. “You can’t fix this with a fucking pep talk.” 

“You’re right,” Luther said. “I’m sorry.” 

“Where’s Allison?” Diego said. “I want to talk to her." 

"She stepped out," Luther said. "She needed a breather." 

Old Five wasn't visible on the screen, but they could hear him when he said, "Where's Vanya?" 

"She _stepped out,"_ Klaus said, mockingly. "She needed a _breather._ Fucking women, am I right?" 

"Shut up, man," Diego said. 

"Can we have a vote?" Ben said. "Because I vote no." 

"Great idea!" Klaus said. "I second that vote!"

"We can't do that," Luther said. 

"Let us count the fucking vote," Klaus said. "Diego? What say you?" 

"It's no, obviously," Diego said.

"That's three for no!" Klaus did an exaggerated fist bump. "We just need one more for a majority." 

"Klaus," Luther said, gently. "Allison already agreed to do it." 

"Too bad!" Klaus said. "We're gonna vote her down!" 

"There's no point, Luther," Old Five said. "You can't reason with _Klaus,_ he's thick as a brick and twice as stupid." 

"How can I be twice as stupid when the brick in question isn't sentient?" Klaus said. "Or is this a _special_ brick?" 

"Um," Luther said. "Five left." 

"Of course he did," Diego said. "Asshole." 

Ben decided he should leave too, but when he tried to quietly sneak out of the room, Klaus latched onto his arm. 

“No, no, no,” Klaus said. “You don’t get to abandon me too.” 

“I’m going to call Five,” Ben said. “I’ll talk him out of it.” 

“You can’t talk him out of anything,” Diego said. “He’s a stubborn little shit.” 

“I can _try,_ can’t I?” Ben glared between the two of them. “I’m going to try.” 

Diego sighed. “Let him go, Klaus.” 

Instead of doing as he was told, Klaus pulled Ben into a hug. “I need _comfort,”_ he said. “I need _huggles.”_

Ben sighed and gave Klaus a squeeze, rubbing comforting circles on his back.

“I’ll give you all the fucking hugs you want,” Diego said. “Let him go.” 

“Ben is better at hugs!” Klaus said. 

“Fuck you,” Diego said. “I give great hugs.” 

“When’s the last time you hugged me?” Klaus said. “You barely tolerate it when _I_ hug _you,_ you’re almost as bad as Five!” 

They kept bickering, but Klaus finally let Ben go.

“Actually, can I borrow someone’s phone?” Ben said. “Mine is still broken.” 

Diego gave him a phone. “I’ll get you a new one,” he said. “But you can keep mine for now.” 

“Thanks.”

Diego gave him a gruff nod, then turned back to the laptop. Luther was still there, quietly watching them. 

Before Diego could address him, Klaus physically pulled him onto the couch and stretched out on top of him. “I’m going to teach you the intricacies of platonic cuddling!” 

Normally, these kinds of antics would be the highlight of the day. Ben would giggle, or join in, or take a photo. 

But it was impossible to smile today, so instead Ben shook his head and headed for the ballroom.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“How many hours do you want to waste this way?” Five said. “We can argue until we’re blue in the face, but I won’t budge.” 

“But what if you’re _wrong?”_ Ben said. “What then?” 

“That’s a risk I have to take.” 

“I hate you so much right now,” Ben said. 

“So be it.” 

“What’ll you even _do,_ afterwards?” Ben said. “Will you go to school? Like, a regular high school? Will you… will you stay with Allison?” 

“I’ll stay with Allison,” Five said. “I don’t think public education would suit me. I’ll create my own curriculum, of sorts. Much like my young counterpart.” 

“Oh, he’s still studying stuff?” 

“Of course he is,” Five said. “That’s one thing we have in common, at least. An unquenchable thirst to know _more._ To know everything there is.” 

“What if you lose that?” Ben said. “What if the new you doesn’t care?” 

“I’ll retain my fundamental personality,” Five said. “I’ll still be the same person.” 

“Are you _sure?”_

“Yes,” Five said. “I’m sure.” 

“But what if-”

“Ben,” Five said. “I don’t want to fight anymore.” 

Ben pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, blinking back tears. “O-okay.” 

“I don’t have a lot of time,” Five said. “There are a few things I have to take care of before Allison Rumors me.” 

“Okay.” 

“But I’m going to call you again,” Five said. “I’m going to call you everyday, do you understand?” 

“I think so,” Ben said. 

“Good,” Five said. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Ben said. 

“Will you do something for me?” Five said. 

“What is it?” 

“Will you check on Vanya?” Five said. “She’s not always… stable.”

“I’ll check on her,” Ben said. “Actually, maybe I’ll spend the night at her apartment tonight? Me, her, and the younger Five. Do you think she’d let us do that?” 

“No harm in asking,” Five said. “I think it’s a good idea.” 

“Then I’ll ask her.” 

“That’s good,” Five said. “You need to take care of each other, alright? This applies to everyone, but especially Vanya.” 

“I get it,” Ben said. “Don’t worry.” 

“Okay,” Five said. “I’m… I have to go.” 

“Goodbye,” Ben said. 

“Bye.” 

First Ben double checked the phone, to make sure Five had really hung up. 

Then he curled in on himself, and allowed himself to cry. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


This was the _last_ phone call. The knowledge made Ben self-conscious of every word. He struggled to speak because of it. What could he say with so little time? Everything felt like a waste. 

“It’s not the last,” Five said. “We’ll have many more phone calls between us.” 

“It’s the last with _you,”_ Ben insisted. “You won’t be you anymore, after this.” 

“In any case,” Five said. “It’ll finally be safe for you to visit.” 

Ben straightened. “Really?” 

“Yes,” Five said. “You can come over here whenever you want. For as long as you want. Allison wanted me to emphasize that point. She says she misses you.”

“I miss her too.” 

“Hell, she practically invited you to live here permanently,” Five said. “But I told her you couldn’t do that.” 

An invisible knife twisted in Ben’s gut, because he knew Five was right. The younger Five needed him _here_ and so did Vanya. So did everyone. 

But so did the _other_ Five. So did Allison. 

It was like being torn in half. 

“You still with me?” Five said. 

“I’m here,” Ben said. “Sorry.” 

“No need to be sorry,” Five said. 

“How much time is left?” 

“Don’t be conscious of it.” 

“How can I not be conscious of it?” Ben said. “It’s like you’re trying to nonchalantly drink a coffee of tea while running up a downwards escalator.” 

“I like that metaphor,” Five said. “It’s a good one.” 

Ben groaned. “I feel so stupid! I can’t think of anything good to say!” 

“Hmm,” Five said. “Déjà vu.” 

“Huh? Why?” 

“You’ve said that before,” Five said. “When you were a ghost.” 

“I did?” 

“You were always hyper-conscious of the passage of time,” Five said. “Because Klaus couldn’t maintain your form for longer than two hours. You felt rushed to say something meaningful while I could see you, but the pressure got to you. You would flounder.” 

“That’s _really_ depressing,” Ben said. 

“I know.” 

“Hey, am I different now?” Ben said. “Klaus is kind of… sometimes he seems really disappointed in me. I think it’s because he can feel the difference. Like I’m not the right Ben.” 

“You’re still the same person,” Five said. “The difference is just a handful of memories.” 

“Um, more like several years of memories,” Ben said. “And isn’t it similar to what happened to you? Like… like I lost my continuity.” 

“Don’t let Klaus’s expectations color your self-perception,” Five said. “You’re not missing anything. You’re _you._ You’re already you. And you always will be.” 

Ben sighed. “Sure.” 

“I’m serious.” 

“I know… thanks.” 

“Sometimes I wish you could see the world the way I do,” Five said. “But there are also times when I wonder… maybe the problem is me.” 

“Oh my god,” Ben said. “You’re killing me.” 

“Pardon?” 

“I’m going to _cry,”_ Ben said, sniffling. “I’m… I’m crying!” 

The damn had broken once again and Ben was left to deal with the tears and the snot and the goddamn mess. 

“I’m sorry,” Five said. “Ben? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“There’s nothing wrong with you!” Ben said. “There was never anything wrong with you!” 

“I believe you,” Five said. “I shouldn’t have said that.” 

“It’s for the vault. We’ll keep that, right? Will we lose the vault?” 

“We won’t lose the vault,” Five said. “You’ll just have to explain it to me.” 

“I’m going to make Luther buy me a plane ticket,” Ben said. “I’m going over there and I’m going to hug you and I’m going to explain the vault.” 

“Thank you,” Five said. “I’d like that.” 

“Do we still have time?” Ben said. 

“We still have time,” Five said. “You can say anything. It doesn’t have to be meaningful, just say anything you need to say. It’ll… it’ll really go into a vault this time.” 

**_Ouch._ **

“Ben?” Five said. “Shit. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.” 

“It’s okay,” Ben said. “It’s fine. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Five said. “And I’ll still love you, no matter what I remember. Do you believe me?”

“I believe you,” Ben lied. 

They kept talking, and Ben decided to fill the vault with more lies like that. Because he didn’t want this vault. He didn’t want a permanent one. 

Then they had to hang up. 

And Five was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "déjà fait" is French for "already done" but it also describes a psychological phenomenon where a person feels as if Everything has already been accomplished without them. It's an illusion of powerlessness, like there is nothing left that a person can do to contribute to the world around them because someone else has already solved all the Big Problems. I thought it would be fitting for Ben and the over-all themes in this fic. 
> 
> I know this was painful, but I promise there is fluff ahead of us. Fluff and sibling bonding and, yes, shenanigans caused by miscommunication. Because everything is NOT "already done." There is still so much more this family can accomplish together, if you're willing to read on.


End file.
